At the end of Riverdale's Season 4 premiere, The CW released a promo for the next episode, and in it, the youths of Riverdale have sex a shocking number of times. Seriously. The teaser is 20 seconds long, and more than half of it is spent in the bedroom.
I'm not saying high school kids shouldn't have sex. That's their choice! They're in charge of their own bodies! They should be exploring their identities and learning their preferences! I'm just saying I have questions. That's all.
1. Where are their parents?
I mean, okay, I know Archie's dad just died (RIP, Luke Perry), and I know Hiram Lodge is in jail right now, but still! How can they just lounge around in bed together all the time? I've never seen a single Riverdale kid sneak out a window, and you know what? That's just not an accurate depiction of teenage hookups. If you're not sneaking around, it's not real!
2. Do they go to class?
Yes, I know there are technically scenes of them in a school, but I'm not convinced they have time for anything but sexy stuff after this teaser. And they fight crimes! That's a big undertaking. Where do they find the time?!
3. What kind of birth control do they use? Asking for a friend.
Because that sh*t must be GOOD. Like, these kids practically live together. IDK how they get away with that, but they do, and yet we haven't seen a single pregnancy scare amongst the core four on this show. HOW?
4. Are we supposed to believe these high schoolers have sexy underwear?
Because you wanna know what I was wearing in high school? Sports bras. And Victoria's Secret Pink boy shorts. Not a lace bra in sight.
5. Finally, do you think Varchie and Bughead ever swing?
Because that's a show I'd watch. A hot-tub make-out doesn't count.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.