Sara Hammel, the former People writer who quit in a major blaze of glory(-ish), wrote a mini-memoir about her time at the magazine. If you want more drama-rama, you should definitely check it out, but if you want the highlights, here's the best of her talking trash on various celebrities.
1. Victoria Beckham
According to Hammel, Posh Spice is very funny and has loads of self-awareness. She also loooooves Gwen Stefani's style, as well as her abs. Hammel says she began every conversation with Victoria by telling her how great she looks, and Victoria would always protest. "She tells me no, no no. She shakes her head, genuinely horrified. Are you kidding? I've had three kids. She tells me her tummy is like crepe paper. It's awful, crepey, and so far from a six pack. She will never be Gwen Stefani. I never show my stomach, she tells me. She is making that face; ick."
2. Jennifer Garner
Hammel shares that she's interviewed Jennifer Garner who, according to Hammel, says she admitted she feels pressure to be thin and to drop her baby weight "almost immediately." "But," she said, "I can't make it come off faster than it does. I can't seem to be pregnant without gaining 45 lbs. There's not a lot I can do about it. I wish that I could, because I do feel the pressure and I do see the cameras, and it's the one time where having people follow you and take pictures of you is just excruciating."
3. J.Lo at Tom Cruise's Wedding
According to Hammel, Jennifer Lopez kind-of spat on her at Tom Cruise's wedding. "Ms. Lo speeds up, and as she passes in front of me she almost I-think-she-kind-of-did spit with a fierce Pss-fff-tsshh in my direction. I am taken aback. As she swans away, her famous butt, which I never realized was so untoned, is undulating under her silken baby pink gown. For me, now, she is ugly inside and out."
4. Angelina Jolie
Hammel writes that interviewing Angie is like "preparing for an audience with the queen." She goes on to write, "[w]hen you meet her she appears unhealthily skinny, not just I-have-to-look-good-onscreen-so-give-me-a-break thin, with jagged shoulder blades and protruding clavicles, and has strangely pale makeup covering up what look like scattered scabs. And that she has a slow way of talking, looks you in the eyes only briefly and not truly connecting at all (many stars try really hard to seem like they're connecting; she does not, at least not with me)."
5. Bella Thorne
Hammel writes,"Or I can say how Bella Thorne does connect, is friendly, makes eye contact, laughs, talks to you like an old friend. How I worry she's going to get herself hurt. She's one of the least programmed teens I've spoken to, and I want to hug her and tell her not to grow up so fast. I am way too late."
7. Kate Middleton
According to Hammel, Kate only smiles because her face is "collapsing." She continues, "That, my Kate Middleton watchers, is why you will see her grinning maniacally at all times in photographs and videos, even when you get the strong sense it doesn't really fit the occasion, even when you can't see quite what's so funny, even when those around her don't seem remotely festive. Even when she's staring into space, walking up some stairs. Even at somber events when it's not right to smile, when she can't lest she appear soulless, she tucks the corners ever-so-slightly upward."
8. Jennifer Lawrence
Hammel says she's a celebrity "who deigns to throw you a quote but makes it clear they're doing you the grandest favor a higher being can bestow."
9. Ryan Reynolds
Hammel says he's a celebrity who "wants nothing to do with you before they even meet you."
10. According to Hammel, Jack Black, Chrissy Teigen, Hugh Jackman, Joshua Jackson, Jason Bateman, Jenna Fischer, Mischa Barton, Emma Thompson, Tea Leoni, and Misty Copeland treat "you as an equal even for a moment, even if it has to be forced, even if they are not in the mood."
11. According to Hammel, Emily Deschanel, Rosario Dawson, David Arquette, Colin Farrell, and Michael Douglas are kind even when they don't have to be.
12. According to Hammel, Kevin Kline, Bryan Cranston, and Ricky Gervais are funny even when they don't need to impress you.
13. According to Hammel, Richard Gere, Alan Cumming, Jon Bon Jovi, and Lupita Nyong'o are snappish or just plain rude when they should know what's coming because they're talking to a celebrity magazine.
14. According to Hammel, Ryan Reynolds, Matthew McConaughey, Ashton Kutcher, and Elizabeth Olsen take themselves very seriously.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.