Stages of Drunkenness, By Age


AGE 12 and below

UGH! My older brother is totally drunk again and falling all over the place. Doesn’t he get that it’s like really bad? I swear, I’m never gonna drink alcohol. Neverrrr!

AGE 13-14

I don’t understand why my friends are even drinking alcohol right now. They’re just going to get drunk and pass out. Sooo not cool and sooo not my thing. Well, for now at least...

AGE 15-16

What the heck, might as well try drinking. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? I get a little too tipsy and actually start having a good time? Not bad at all! Plus, I don’t wanna miss out on all the fun! No #FOMO here. I just hope I don’t puke (fingers crossed).

AGE 17-19

Ahhhh, I can’t wait to go to the beach this weekend with the gang. We’re sooo getting shwasted and making total fools of ourselves. Now, the question is, how many bottles are we gonna finish? Shotgun the tequila 'coz I’m ready to partaaaay!

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AGE 20-22

Who cares if there’s class tomorrow? It's #ThirstyThursday and I’m down to get drunk in this club tonight! Just try to stop me from taking all the shots. Emphasis on the TRY. 

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AGE 23-24 

 Well, I kinda just started this new job and can’t be late for work tomorrow. But, since you insist, just a few drinks! Promise me you won’t let me take any shots?

30 minutes later...


AGE 25-27

Just had the WORST week at work. I majorly need a drink tonight! Make that A LOT of drinks and don’t forget to keep them coming. Geez, when was the last time I enjoyed myself? I DESERVE this. 

AGE 28-30

Okay, I’m seriously getting too old to go out and deal with hangovers. All I’m thinking about now is kicking off my high heels, removing my bra, and having a glass of vino by myself before I pass out.

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AGE 31-33

Dinner and drinks? Hmmmm, what about I just go for dinner and leave right before the drinks because after one drink, I’m knocked out. Yep, I’m officially old.

AGE 34 and above

Screw this! I’m having a bottle of wine all to myself and I don’t care if I’m getting up tomorrow or the day after that! I’m having fun with my amigas tonight! #regression

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