Say what you want about Midnights (unless you are saying it to me because I happen to think she is the moment and shan’t be hearing otherwise), but Taylor Swift’s highly anticipated tenth album is a strong contender for her horniest yet, or at least in recent memory. You may not like it, but Ms. Swift has thrown it back to the hot and heavy pop icon days of her 1989 and Reputation eras, and it turns out Taylor’s midnight musings are home to an abundance of steamy new lyrics—and no, I’m not talking about the sexy baby thing. (But also, okay, maybe a little bit the sexy baby thing? IDK, it’s hard to tell).
But while Midnights might be a new peak for T-Swift lyrics in terms of sex and swearing (definitely swearing), this is far from Taylor’s first foray into sexy songwriting. I know, I know, horniness may not be the first thing we think when we think Taylor Swift, but this is actually kind of a massive oversight on our part, TBH. Sure, Taylor is no Ariana when it comes to unbridled displays of lyrical horn. But if you listen closely, the extensive TS discography is a treasure trove of horniness—dating back to much earlier in her career than you may think!
Yes, I’m talking about “Dress,” but also, crucially, I’m not just talking about “Dress.” While 2017’s Reputation is generally regarded as Taylor’s first introduction to the world as a verified sex-having, wine-drinking (and wine-spilling) individual, it was far from her first or only dance with suggestive songwriting. Sure, Reputation, an album that is 90 percent sex, booze, and revenge, features some of T-Swift’s most overt references to sex and desire. (Again, see: “Dress.”) But real Swifties—or at least the horny ones—know that our girl has been slipping some lusty lyrics into her music since well before she officially shed her good girl, “Miss Americana” image.
For your edification, I, resident scholar of Taylor Swift horn, have graciously compiled all of Taylor’s sexiest lyrics, starting with Midnights (yes, including the 3 a.m. tracks because duh) and going all the way back to day freaking one, baby.
“I feel the lavender haze creeping up on me.” —Lavender Haze
According to Taylor, the “lavender haze” in question is that “all-encompassing love glow.” Is an all-encompassing love glow necessarily the same as an all-encompassing sex glow? Maybe not, but Taylor’s breathy tone (tell me it’s not giving “Dress”) certainly seems to suggest a lavender haze and a post-coital daze have a few things in common.
“‘How’d we end up on the floor, anyway?’” you say. Your roommate’s cheap-ass screw-top rosé, that’s how.” —Maroon
Sure, maybe they just passed out on the floor, but considering this song is literally the horniest on the entire album, one might assume with some confidence that a little something else probably happened on that floor first.
“The mark they saw on my collarbone.”—Maroon
Taylor Swift gets hickeys, okay? All grown-ass women should be getting more hickeys. Bring back hickeys pls.
“The lips I used to call home. So scarlet, it was maroon.”—Maroon
Who knew maroon was...actually the sexiest color all this time?
“I'm so in love that I might stop breathing. Drew a map on your bedroom ceiling.”—Paris
So Taylor was obvs doing a lot of post-coital bedroom ceiling staring on this album.
“Privacy sign on the door and on my page and on the whole world.”—Paris
Do. Not. Disturb.
“Do you really wanna know where I was April 29th? Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?” —High Infidelity
We may never know for sure where Taylor was on April 29th, but something def happened!
“And the God’s honest truth is that the pain was heaven.”—Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve
Is this necessarily about sex in context? No. Would it make a potentially v sexy Instagram caption? Yes.
“I see me padding across your wooden floors / With my Eagles T-shirt hanging from the door.” —Gold Rush
Implied nudity, fantasizing about sex with unattainable people. This is what T-Swift horn looks like.
“I don’t like anticipating my face in a red flush / I don’t like that anyone would die to feel your touch / Everybody wants you / Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you.” —Gold Rush
Flushed faces! Dying to feel someone’s touch! Fantasizing about other people’s fantasies! Throw in some hands in the hair and this would be the total Taylor Swift horn package.
“Salt air and the rust on your door / I never needed anything more / Whispers of, ‘Are you sure?’ / ‘Never have I ever before.’” —August
Literally no one needs me to explain that “August” is a soul-crushing ode to a very specific brand of horniness, i.e., first-time-sex horniness.
“And I can see us twisted in bedsheets / August sipped away like a bottle of wine.” —August
I mean, yeah.
“Tell your friends you’re out for a run / You’ll be flushed when you return.” —Illicit Affairs
Meanwhile, we all know where that rosy glow *actually* came from.
“Hand under my sweatshirt / Baby, kiss it better.” —Cardigan
Hmm, what could his hand possibly be doing under that sweatshirt?
“I think he knows his hands around / A cold glass / Make me wanna know that body / Like it’s mine.” —I Think He Knows
You may not like it, but this is what peak Taylor Swift horn looks like. No further questions, please and thanks.
“Wanna see what’s under that attitude.” —I Think He Knows
What might this man be packing under that attitude? I think *we* know!
“My heart, my hips, my body, my love / Trying to find a part of me that you didn’t touch.” —Death by a Thousand Cuts
Hands! Hands everywhere!
“What doesn’t kill me makes me want you more / And it’s new, the shape of your body.” —Cruel Summer
It may be new, but somehow you get the sense that TS has already gotten to know the shape of this body pretty intimately.
“The altar is my hips. Even if it's a false god.”— False God
This entire song is arguably the horniest on this whole album.
“Only bought this dress so you could take it off.” —Dress
Okay, yes, “Dress” is obviously the single horniest song in the entire Taylor Swift discography, and yes, duh, this line is iconic. Like, can’t believe this wasn’t already a tired cliché/Shakespeare didn’t write it in the 1600s iconic. But also, it’s almost too obvious for this list, so moving on.
“Carve your name into my bedpost / ’Cause I don’t want you like a best friend.” —Dress
I would argue that this is actually the horniest “Dress” lyric, and the whole “carve your name into my bedpost” thing also packs some pretty sultry Wuthering Heights vibes, FWIW.
“My name is whatever you decide.” —Don’t Blame Me
T-Swift was really leaning into the eroticism of possession on this album, and honestly, I’m here for it.
“I want to wear his initial / On a chain round my neck.” —Call It What You Want
Speaking of the eroticism of possession….
“I get so high, oh / Every time you’re, every time you’re lovin’ me / Trip of my life, oh / Every time you’re, every time you’re touchin’ me.” —Don’t Blame Me
I mean, enough said.
“Long night with your hands up in my hair / Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs / Stay here, honey, I don’t want to share.” —Delicate
As we’ll see, pretty much any time anyone’s hands are in anyone’s hair, that’s a sure sign of TS horn.
“And you move to me like I’m a Motown beat / And we rule the kingdom inside my room.” —King of My Heart
Seems pretty safe to assume that ruling the kingdom inside Taylor Swift’s room probably involves some pretty skilled sexing, just saying.
“Toyin’ with them older guys / Just playthings for me to use.” —Don’t Blame Me
Nothing to see here, just Taylor Swift unapologetically having her way with men twice her age and flaunting it (as she should).
“In the middle of the night, in my dreams / You should see the things we do, baby.” —…Ready for It?
Hmm, I wonder what things they might be doing.…Can’t begin to imagine!
“I got that good girl faith and a tight little skirt.” —Style
Taylor is hyping up her own girl-next-door-fantasy vibe and I cannot be mad at it.
“You’re still all over me / Like a wine-stained dress I can’t wear anymore.” —Clean
This line isn’t about sex, per se (it’s about not being able to get over someone after a breakup, FYI), but the language is certainly very physical in a way that just feels pretty suggestive.
“He’s so bad, but he does it so well.” —Wildest Dreams
Ahem, does *what* so well, Taylor? I think we know!
“I said, ‘No one has to know what we do’ / His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room.” —Wildest Dreams
More hair, more hands, now with the implication of nudity!
“You’ll see me in hindsight / Tangled up with you all night / Burning it down.” —Wildest Dreams
I mean, duh.
“After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own.” —All Too Well
I mean, “nights when you made me your own”? That’s sex. She’s talking about sex.
“We are alone, just you and me / Up in your room and our slates are clean / Just twin fire signs, four blue eyes.” —State of Grace
Up in your room, alone. Enough said.
“And I’ll do anything you say / If you say it with your hands.” —Treacherous
The way this is maybe one of the horniest lyrics ever written and everyone kind of just ignored it?
“Put your lips close to mine / As long as they don’t touch.” —Treacherous
Taylor Swift invented erotic anticipation, okay?
Speak Now (2010)
“Get me with those green eyes, baby / As the lights go down / Give me something that’ll haunt me when you’re not around.” —Sparks Fly
Hi, definitive proof that Taylor Swift has always been in tune with her horny side. (Rumor has it she actually wrote “Sparks Fly” even before putting out her iconically wholesome debut album, Taylor Swift.) I mean, our girl is basically kind of begging for masturbatory material here and THE POWER TO HER, my god. Honestly, this song is a strong contender for Taylor’s horniest of all time. In case you need more evidence:
“And you stood there in front of me / Just close enough to touch / Close enough to hope you couldn’t see / What I was thinking of.” —Sparks Fly
Oh, wow, hmm. What could she have *possibly* been thinking of?
“You touch me once and it’s really something / You find I’m even better than you imagined I would be.” —Sparks Fly
This is basically T-Swift’s “God Is a Woman.”
“I run my fingers through your hair / And watch the lights go wild / Just keep on keeping your eyes on me. / It’s just wrong enough to make it feel right.” —Sparks Fly
What did I tell you about hands in the hair?
“Run your hands through your hair / Absentmindedly making me want you.” —Fearless
The hands in the hair thing? Yeah, it all started here.
“Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun / And when you’re close, I feel like coming undone.” —Untouchable
A bonus track on the deluxe edition of Fearless, “Untouchable” isn’t so much horny as it is, like, erotically intimate. To be fair, it’s a cover, so I can’t fully credit Taylor Swift for this masterpiece of lyrical horn. Still, it’s a very mature song, in a way that definitely makes it feel like a bit of an outlier from the rest of Taylor’s relatively chaste sophomore album—a preview of the sexy songwriting TS was getting ready to explore in her own career.
“In the middle of the night, we can form this dream / I wanna feel you by my side.” —Untouchable
See what I mean? This song is basically one big sex dream.
Taylor Swift (2006)
Okay, so Taylor Swift’s self-titled debut album is obviously not, like, erotic by any stretch of the imagination—with one notable exception, that is:
“Just a boy in a Chevy truck / That had a tendency of gettin’ stuck / On back roads at night.” —Tim McGraw
Like all great art, this line is open to interpretation. Sure, maybe he’s just a hapless country boy whose truck keeps breaking down, but getting stuck on a back road at night certainly seems like a convenient cover story for hooking up in a guy’s truck. Interpret this how you will, but I think we all know what was really going down in that Chevy.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.