On Friday, One Direction released their music video for "Night Changes," in which they each take you, the viewer, on a different date. But your 1D escort not withstanding, which one of these dates would you actually want to go on? Here they are, ranked by potential for danger, injury, and, of course, romance (but not by which guy goes with which date, because that just wouldn't be fair, or by the mishaps that actually occur in the video, because that's just way too much to process).
5. Cabin getaway with Niall.
Look, there is nothing more romantic than a quiet weekend in the mountains with your lover. But as a date? How long have you and Niall been seeing each other? If this is any earlier in the relationship than you two living together, this could go pretty badly. Once you run out of spiked cider and agree to call Monopoly on account of it taking too long, there is literally nowhere to go. You are trapped. What if the cabin is haunted? What if it snows? You could be stuck in there for days with a vengeful ghost and a guy you don't even know that well. Cute dog though.
4. Classy dinner with Zayn.
Zayn looks very handsome in his suit, and Brasserie Vashappenin looks very fancy and expensive. The maître d' is wearing a bow tie! That's service. But no one—no one — likes to eat messy pasta in front of a man they barely know. This entire scenario is an embarrassing "I got red sauce on my new white dress" story waiting to happen. And after you drip marinara all over your boobs, you'll cope by drinking too much cabernet and telling Zayn that you've been cyberstalking him for three years, at which point he'll call the cops and run the hell away. Best stick to something simple, like diner food.
3. Scenic drive with Louis.
This date's placement is entirely due to the nice car Louis has somehow obtained. But what are you really doing once you're in the car? Just going for a joy ride, apparently, while your hair gets whipped to shreds from the wind. You can potentially have sex in the back of the hot ride, but after you do that, what's left? The lack of creativity here is troubling.
2. Ice skating with Harry.
As cute as it is to imagine your date lacing up your skates for you while you share a cinnamon hot chocolate, ice skating is kind of terrifying. There's a huge potential for injury on this date, as well as the certainty that you're going to freeze your face off for the next two hours. And don't even think about going to an indoor rink, because the lighting at those things is terrible. Plus, you know Harry is totally the kind of guy who wants you to skate backwards, and when you tell him you don't want to he pulls you backwards anyway and then boom, everybody's ass-first on the ice and at least one arm is in a cast. But second place anyway, because you'll get to wear such cute mittens while you ~*tWiRL*~.
1. Carnival adventure with Liam.
This date is perfect. You can make out on the Ferris wheel, have Liam win you a giant teddy bear, then Instagram the shit out of the pretty neon lights. And then when you get cold (because it's definitely fall; the best carnivals are always in the fall), he'll chivalrously give you his scarf and not even ask for it back. Take me away to the county fair right now!
Watch the full video below!
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.