1. Freaking FINALLY! Yes, yes, yes! I'm cominnnnngggg....
2. Whoa, am I squirting? Is this what squirting feels like? I'd ask this guy, but I don't want him to think I haven't squirted before and then feel like some sort of sex king if I didn't even squirt. I'll Google it later.
3. Good-bye, I'm going to take a nap forever. I don't even exist now so please do not try to talk to me. Seriously, I am basically already asleep, byeeee.
4. Do I have cake in the house right now? Or even, like, brownies? Oh! I have fries from last night. But then I'd have to move. I wonder if I could ask him to go to my fridge and bring me the fries, or does that make me sound too lazy?
5. Please stop touching me, I am not joking. Now that I've had an orgasm everything is too sensitive. Why do guys think they're the only ones this happens to?! That said, sometimes it's the reverse…
6. Why did you stop touching me so quickly?! Yes, I had an orgasm but if you hadn't stopped touching me so soon I could've easily had five more. Oh, well. No, don't worry about it. Let's just watch Game of Thrones.
7. I honestly was not expecting that orgasm to happen. Man, I guess spending 45 minutes concentrating and giving incredibly specific instructions like, "Literally put your hand where my hand is, Jeff. Yes, keep doing that. I'll check up on you in a little while." really paid off. And occasionally…
8. Do I have to take turns now or can you give me five hours to just lie here doing nothing? One of the worst things ever is having a guy give you an orgasm and then immediately feeling like it's his turn to have one now. So you mean I have to quickly finish enjoying how awesome I feel so I can get to work on your needy peen? Cool story.
9. Do I have to ask him to order pizza or will he just know I want him to do that? Aww, he knew to order it and I didn't even have to ask. I'm a lucky girl. Wait, did he just say anchovies? What the fuck?
10. Nothing. At All. This one's pretty ideal, but if that's not possible, the cake thing is legit.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.