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15 Problems Only Insomniacs Understand

So many unnecessary 3 a.m. online purchases.

1. All you can think about is how much sleep you'd get if you went to bed right now. Or right now. Or right now. Or right now. Oh, cool, it's morning.

2. Most of your credit card bill is made up of purchases made after midnight that you have no recollection of. I always feel like they should make it more difficult to buy stuff after midnight. Like a little captcha that comes on and says, "Should you be doing this? Do you even know you're doing this? No? Then go to sleep, weirdo."

3. When you hear a noise and you don't know where it's coming from. And so you spend the next two hours tearing your room apart trying to figure out what that noise is, but you almost never do and it's usually something outside like a beetle that won't shut up.

4. Seeing it get lighter out makes you feel like a vampire who is about to die from the sun. I get so terrified once the sun starts coming up because there's no way I can sleep if my room is light. No way. At that point, you just have to accept your fate, but the only real way to accept it is by crying.

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5. When you finally start falling asleep and something wakes you up. For me, it's usually the movie I fell asleep to. I don't know how it happens that I can fall asleep to a TV show that's really quiet but then the second I fall asleep suddenly it sounds like it's at full volume. Explain this to me, science!!!

6. When you don't want to get up in the middle of the night to pee because what if you can't fall back asleep. The other night I had a dream that I was trying to pee at my friend's apartment but he wouldn't let me use his toilet. I knew the dream meant I needed to get up and pee but did I? No. Because I must sleep.

7. When your alarm goes off, but you even never went to sleep. So you just stare at it like, "Haha. I'm already awake, idiot!!!" And then the crying starts. Usually.

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8. When you finally fall asleep at 3 a.m. and then wake up four hours later but it feels like four minutes. And you just stare at the clock like a little kid who is picking on you for no reason, hoping your sad expression will make the clock say, "You know what? It's actually 5 a.m. Go back to bed. I'm sorry. My bad."

9. Listening to people complain about how they got "like no sleep" but what they really mean is six hours. Hahaha six hours. I got six hours of sleep as well...over the course of this whole week.

10. Listening to people who tell you they fall asleep as soon as they get into bed. I did not ask to hear about your joy, sir. I did not ask to hear about your joy.

11. Texting a guy way too late at night with something totally insane. I really think being too tired is similar to being drunk. When I'm exhausted, I will text people things I would never text them earlier in the day. Not even super-crazy things, but I might be more honest than I would normally be or text someone way too many times because it's 3 a.m. and my brain is broken.

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12. When you get a song in your head and you end up staying awake to sing along to it. God help you if your brain wants to dance to it. That happened to me last night and I had to force myself to not get up and dance at 3 in the morning because that is not appropriate. Seriously, what is wrong with me?

13. Drinking coffee all day just makes you even more awake again at night. They need to have a new form of coffee that works immediately and then stops working like eight hours later. Someone get on that.

14. When you wake up way before the alarm clock and think you have plenty of time left to sleep and then you can't fall back asleep. Or you try to sleep for a few minutes but then you keep looking at your phone like a kid on Christmas checking to see if they can get up yet.

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15. When you stay awake so long you start getting hungry and end up eating food you completely do not need. Oh, two chocolate bars, a boiled egg, and three sodas, why did I eat you at 3 a.m.? Why?

This article originally appeared on Minor edits have been made by the editors.