Raise your hand if you’ve ever faked an orgasm. Odds are, most of us have our hands up right now. That’s because only 30 to 60% of women in heterosexual relationships experience The Big O during sex, according to a recent study. At the same time, 70 to 100% of men in the same types of relationships get to climax during intercourse—as if there wasn’t enough male privilege in this world, already! The Pleasure Gap is real and spans different kinds of relationships, not just hetero. and it’s something that needs to be addressed.
Recently, Durex held the Unequal Dinner, a special dinner party where the tables were metaphorically turned on the male guests. While the women enjoyed a dazzling, hassle-free meal, the gents in the room had to deal with late appetizers, cold soup, and servers who just couldn’t be bothered to pay any attention to them. This time, the men felt what it was like to be left dissatisfied during what’s supposed to be a pleasurable experience for everyone.
After host Sam YG revealed the prank to the guests, he invited a few speakers up onstage for a special panel on the Pleasure Gap. Here’s what the women had to say about the issue:
Late ko na nalaman na parang hindi dapat mag-fake ng orgasm. Legit pala na may orgasm. May right pala ako na dapat ako din, na dapat pwede sabay, pwede ako. Now that I’ve experienced it and I know that I deserve it, parang never again na I would have sex with someone and not feel satisfied.
Growing up in a religious household, growing up without really having an idea sa mga ganap, I think what helps to really make it good for both of you is to really be open. Things really get better if you’re really open.
In essence, the kinds of love languages that we want to give and receive is actually correlated with how we want to be satisfied in bed. So if your love language is words of affirmation, mahalaga na dapat na verbal yung binigay or tinatanggap mo. Kapag ang love language mo ay gifts, toys are very important!
Parang natatahimik tayo when it comes to owning ourselves and having ownership of our bodies, kaya even sex, kapag pinaguusapan with other people, including our families and even our closest friends, sanay tayo na “sinasakop” tayo.
As the panel continued, it became clear that a big chunk of the Pleasure Gap comes from a lack of communication on what makes sex feel good for women. There’s an assumption among many of us that we should just leave sex up to the men and what they want. We think that being vocal about what we want hurts their pride, is impolite, or even sinful if you’re religious.
But here’s the thing: Durex has found that 98% of us believe that having equal pleasure during sex is important, too. So how do we get it? Here’s what the numbers say:
- 76% of us want more foreplay, and
- A whopping 80% of us feel that having sex with a condom is more pleasurable
It turns out that condoms help us enjoy sex more because we feel safer when using them. We don’t need to worry about getting pregnant or getting an STI; we can just be in the moment and really let loose in bed. And it’s in this department where Durex wants to help close the Pleasure Gap.
“It’s all about fulfilling pleasure for everyone,” says Camille Taguba, Brand Manager for Durex. “The purpose of Durex is really to help people unleash their true sexual selves. It’s a right for everyone, and Durex is here not just with condoms, but we do have toys, lubricants for women as well.”
With products like Invisible condoms, Durex's thinnest condom ever, to help couples feel closer than ever, Play intimate lube for a smoother and satisfying sexual experience, and events like the Unequal Dinner opening up much-needed conversations, Durex is helping Pinays take ownership of their sexuality and close the Pleasure Gap for good.
Sex, after all, is better when we #cometogether.