1. You have never received a party invitation and immediately been like, "I'm there!" in your whole life.
You are the queen of hitting "Interested" on Facebook and by that you mean, "It'd be rude to say, 'No, I don't want to attend this backyard BBQ that goes til 4 a.m. for some reason, but let's be honest. I won't be there.'"
2. You spend most of your actual ~*partying*~ time wishing you were at home watching Girls.
If all your brain can think about during a party is how much you'd rather not be at a party, yeah, partying probably isn't going to magically become your scene any time soon.
3. You watch party scenes in movies and all you can think is, I am so glad I am watching this from a safe distance because being there would be awful.
Most people watch party scenes in movies and think, OMG, how fun would it be to be at this fictionalized party? but if all you can think is, That looks like a lot of clean-up, yeahhhh….
4. Nothing makes you happier than when your friends tell you they're thinking about skipping a party that all of you were going to this weekend.
What's that? We can't go to this party I felt socially obligated to attend? Whatever will I do now? JK, I'll do what I wanted to do in the first place, which was to not attend some party at the end of the world aka Alabang.
5. Sometimes you actually want to go to a party but then someone says it starts at 10 p.m., and your soul dies and throws itself into a volcano because that's pajama time and always will be.
Whatever happened to "It starts at 7 p.m. because it's seventh grade."
6. Most of the time when you go out, it's just so you can feel like you're acting your age.
Followed directly by wondering if you're secretly biologically 45 because this blows.
7. Your pre-party ritual is trying on two outfits and then having a panic attack because everything sucks.
For most people, getting ready is the best part, but if for you it's just an internal struggle to keep your limbs moving away from your bed because it doesn't care which skirt you go with, you might not be the Georgina Wilson of your friend group.
8. Sometimes when you're at a party all, you want to do is hand out a survey that says, "Are you guys all having fun or are you just pretending to have fun?"
Because you seriously cannot understand how these people are enjoying drinking gross beer out of red cups while grinding to throwback T. Pain songs that weren't that good the first time.
9. Every time you go to a party and wake up the next morning, you basically yell at yourself like your mom did when you were 8 for breaking a vase.
"You know you hate parties and you always feel like crap afterward and yet here you are, waking up after another party. When will you learn?!" is basically your Saturday morning alarm clock and it needs to stop.
10. You clicked on this story and were like, "Ugh, that's me all right" before you even read it.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.