1. What do I even call you?
This is seriously something I was asked last week. Call me by my first and last name, like you've been doing for years. If that's confusing to you, I feel like you shouldn't be allowed to operate a motor vehicle, handle sharp objects, or leave your house, period.
2. Is your husband upset?
No. Why would he be? I hope you value me enough to know that I wouldn't be married to a chauvinist who cries himself to sleep because I didn't take his last name.
3. How will people know you're married?
By the myriad of other indicators, including the fact that I reference my husband approximately ten thousand times per conversation now. (As is the newlywed custom.) (It's still so weird! I have a husband!) (Also, I don't really care if they don't. As Salt-n-Peppa rapped about this very subject: "It's none of your business!") (I think that's what the song is about.)
4. What will your kids' last names be?!
Um, who said we're having children? And also, I guess we'll figure that out when the time comes. Maybe it'll be something new like "Screw The Patriarchy." Haha JK. Kinda. Maybe. (I'm KIDDING, Mom! Don't slit your wrists!)
5. Your kids will be so confused.
Um, again, who said we're having kids? And kids are confused about a lot of things—like whether or not something is edible. If I have a toddler, I'm gonna be far more concerned with them not accidentally eating concrete and not so concerned about explaining why their dad and I have different last names. As for when they grow up? Well, if they can't understand that basic fact when they're older, I'm gonna be more worried about their IQ than anything else.
6. Oh, that's so modern! Look at you, Fancy Nancy!
That was verbatim said to me just yesterday. Well, I guess if moving away from a completely patriarchal society where a husband's name is foisted on the wife in favor of one where women can decide for themselves what they weigh is fancy, then yes. I am incredibly fancy. The fanciest.
7. It'll be harder when you travel.
What are you even talking about!? Customs doesn't throw women who don't take their husbands' last names to the sea. (And even if they did, it would be worth it to get to make my own decision about what my name is, dammit.)
8. Are you sure?? It's not too late!
Yes, it is too late for me to magically transform into another person with a completely different personality who feels differently about this.
9. You must think women who take their husband's last name are subservient losers.
Um, not at all. It's a deeply personal choice and lots of bad-ass feminist heroes (and just cool women, in general) share a last name with their partner. It's all gravy as long as it's a thoughtful choice every woman has the ability to make for themselves.
10. You probably want your husband to take YOUR last name, Feminazi #NOTALLMEN!
Actually, we talked about that as a possibility and because my man is secure he was totally open to it. We decided against it because we both love our names and our families and wanted to keep that sense of self while still forging our own new union together. And while we're at it: My official stance is that each person should keep their own last name unless one of you feels no familial ties (for whatever reason) and wants to start your family afresh together. (Or if one of your last names is really embarrassing; then they should both share the less embarrassing last name. Like, if my last name were Trickle and my first name were Dick then yes, I would take the other person's last name. Unless it was Weiner.) (Also, I think it's kinda cool when couples make up their own last names!) (Or you could do a switcheroo take each other's last name!?) (Or WHATEVER makes you happy! It's all good!)
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.