1. The one about the perfect partner.
The status: “Happy Valentine’s Day to the sweetest, most loving man I’ve ever met. You give my life so much meaning. I am forever changed by you. What did I do to deserve such a gift?"
This status makes the S.O. sound like such a dream, it makes you want to kick your own guy off his ass and demand a massive floral arrangement. IN THE SHAPE OF YOUR NAME.
2. The one that’s super short.
The status: “Happy Valentine’s Day, *insert name*. Love you”
And…that’s it. The “Love you” isn’t even lucky enough to earn a punctuation mark. Makes you wonder if there’s trouble in paradise, or if some people are just not avid typers.
3. The one that spits on the tradition.
The status: “Once again, we celebrate this capitalist scam propagated by greedy companies out to get your money. Happy Valentine’s Day!”
Yeah, yeah, we know all that already. But we refuse to be the only chick in the office who didn’t do anything special for Valentine’s, so we’ll take part in the “capitalist scam” anyway.
4. The one that celebrates being single.
The status: “Who needs men? Happy Valentine’s Day! #SingleIsSexy” *posts a smoking hot selfie*
Oh, the men are gonna come running now.
5. The one from the #foreveralone.
The status: “Date with myself tonight. Happy Valentine’s Day to me. #foreveralone #hugot #laslas”
Expect this from singletons who have been ready to mingle since, like, FOREVER. Boys, just ask them out already!
6. The one about now being "in a relationship."
The status: *Changes relationship status from “single” to “in a relationship” right on Valentine’s Day*
7. The one about now being "single."
The status: *Changes relationship status from “in a relationship” to “single” right on Valentine’s Day*
8. The one with the emo message/line from a poem/meaningful song lyrics.
The status: “Yooou called me up agaaaain just to breaaaaak me like a promiseeee.”
Unless you guys are super tight, whatever you do, RESIST THE URGE TO ASK THEM ABOUT THEIR STATUS. You don’t want to give them the satisfaction that you were intrigued by it. (Although admit it, you were).
9. The one that’s heavy with remorse.
The status: “Happy Valentine’s Day, *insert name*. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to make you stay.”
This one is so painful to read, you almost want to take the poor fellow out for a drink. And then lecture him about having some pride on social media.
10. The one that’s sweet without being sickening.
The status: “Happy Valentine’s Day, baby. I’d be lost without you, but you already know that. See you tonight. J”
Now, this is how you do it.
11. The one by your ex.
The status: *Posts a happy couple shot of him and his (thinner) new girlfriend*