"I can't wait to go to my friend's bridal shower!" is a thing no one has ever said. Because sitting in a circle around a woman unwrapping kitchen blenders isn't exactly the best way most twentysomethings would want to spend a Saturday afternoon.
2. Being forced to spend on a dress you don't like, feel gross in, and will never wear again.
3. Having to buy shoes you'll never wear again to go with the dress you'll never wear again.
Especially when the dress is long and you can't even see the shoes! Because #ThatMakesSense #NoItDoesNot.
4. Ditto huge-ass chandelier earrings.
Or something else you would never wear.
5. Not being able to talk to your engaged friend about anything except her wedding for the year leading up to it.
If it's not the table cards, it's the seat covers, and if it's not the seat covers, it's the table cards. Never have you previously in your friendship ever discussed either seat covers or table cards. Or floral arrangements. Maybe silver shoes. But definitely not glassware.
6. Being asked your opinion but never being listened to.
"I love the champagne seat covers!" "You know, I decided to go with the silver seat covers. Thanks so much for having four 20-minute conversations with me about it though!"
7. Having to wear your hair the way the bride wants it.
You want to wear it down. She says updo or YOU CAN'T GO TO THE STUPID WEDDING.
8. Being asked—nay, expected!—to spend thousands on one wedding.
You're happy to be there for a girl on her wedding day, but you're not Beyoncé and shit don't come cheap.
9. Having to bite your tongue when your friend complains about ReGiStErInG*~.
You're getting a bunch of awesome presents. You want to tell her not to complain, but you're being supportive. Isn't this part fun?
10. Being micromanaged when you try to plan a trip or party.
The whole point of helping the bride is that so she doesn't have to deal with a lot of crap. Like, if you chose white cupcakes instead of pink ones, is that actually worth her texting you five times about? Especially when she has seat covers to manage?
11. Getting yelled at when you had no idea that thing that seemed small was actually a huge deal in the first place.
You know getting married is stressful and you're there to help, but you are not a mind reader. This is a wedding, not the movie Inception, starring Leonardo DiCaprio.
12. Having to do a last-minute activity on the wedding weekend that costs way more than it should.
Like a staycation at a fancy hotel. Or brunch at Sofitel where nothing comes cheap.
13. Having to do ridiculous things for wedding photos.
Repeat after me: I vow to never make my bridesmaids jump in the air for my wedding photos. Or twerk. Or perform whatever ridiculous meme of the moment happens to be happening.
14. Avoiding tan lines all summer so you "look good" in your strapless dress.
Otherwise the bride will accuse you of ruining her vision with your tan lines.
15. Being treated like a personal assistant to a highly demanding celebrity.
I will carry your dress. I will pick that twig off your veil. I will even go to Tagaytay with you on a holiday weekend. But I would prefer not to steam the groomsmen's linen suits. I would prefer not to spend the day before the wedding on this beautiful island stuffing welcome bags. R E S P E C T.
16. Having to talk about your friend's wedding for a year after the wedding.
You can still be a bridezilla when you're married.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.