1. Shorts will NEVER fit. If they fit at the butt then they won't at the waist. And if they fit at the waist then it's almost guaranteed your poor cheeks are going to be suffocated before eventually giving up and escaping from their denim prison.
2. Don't even get us started on dresses. When you're two completely different sizes on top and at the bottom, shopping becomes difficult. If you have a small boob/big butt combo, multiply the problem by about a thousand.
3. Internet shopping is hell. Despite your careful thought and deliberation over three different sizes, you will still spend many lunch breaks emailing the website, wondering how you can get your money back.
4. When a song mentioning the word "butt" comes on, everyone points and gawks at you. Your friends will expect you to have some slick choreography lined up, and when you don't their faces will not hide their disappointment.
5. When you're in a club your bottom will suddenly develop a luminous sign that says "TOUCH ME." Not okay at all. Ever.
6. Putting skinny jeans on is always difficult. It'll look like you're performing some kind of Zumba routine with all the jumping and stretching.
7. Working out is never going to be pretty. A session in the gym will invoke a sweaty bum which will inevitably show through your workout bottoms. Lush.
8. Anything you eat goes straight there. It's a blessing and a curse.
9. Bending down in tight clothing is always a risk. The day I ripped my pencil skirt all the way up on the first day of an internship was not a life highlight.
10. RIP to all the pants too. Some of you were so pretty and we are deeply sorry our butts killed you off.
11. Wedgies are a problem. You've had to become a master at discreetly pulling them out.
12. When people offer you a small gap to sit in you can't even deal. It's just not gonna happen.
13. You regularly knock stuff off shelves. You're often misjudging gaps and so your butt is making stuff fall to their deaths.
14. You have been compared to Kim Kardashian, J. Lo and Beyoncé despite looking nothing like them. Clearly only one factor went into their decision making process.
15. Bikinis are a NO if they must both be brought together in the same size. Just not possible.
16. You have a complete love hate relationship with your asset. Sure, a bad day clothes shopping might leave you shouting abuse at your butt, but at the end of the day, you love what you've got.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.co.uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.