Having a quarter-life crisis is completely normal and reasonable. You're not a teenager anymore, but you're also not an adult (An adult would never have this many salsa stains on their shirt...right?). You're post-college, but definitely don't have anything that looks like a "career" or wear pantsuits with briefcases. So what the hell mutant are you right now?! Chill. Here are some good things that can come out of this intensity.
1. Yes, you really want a relationship with hugging and hand-holding and similar dorky crap. Or you only want one-night stands with zero hugging and no one ever calling you their girlfriend because you do not have time for that. But whatever it is, you can stop wishing you wanted the one thing you think you should want and realize what you do want. Besides, it'll probably change in a few years anyway and you can figure it out then.
2. People who are dicks are taking up too much of your time and it's exhausting. And honestly, you're exhausted just lifting the remote to try and chose a TV show to watch after work. You don't need to be dealing with Carla's nonstop drama, and your sneaking suspicion that Anna doesn't even like you and is just using you for your iFlix password. Move on.
3. However you feel about your parents might just be the way it is for right now. Going back and forth killing yourself trying to decide if you love or hate them is exhausting. Pick the one that feels the most accurate over the last few years and accept that that's where you're at with them right now.
4. It's OK to tell him you didn't come because seriously life is too short to resent him for his orgasms (and your lack of them). Yes, you could wake up the following morning like you always do, hating that he came when he didn't even bother to make you come, and if he seriously thinks you did come, he's insane. That's one option. Or you could just tell him, "Look, I didn't come. Can we try again?" and get yours already. Turn over that new leaf (the leaf is your clitoris, BTW.)
5. If that overly aggressive, lazy A-hole at work can ask for a raise, you damn well can too. Instead of being mad that the lazy, jerk-faced moron who never does anything is getting raises every time he asks for one, why not try asking for one? If you don't get one, fine, maybe rethink your work situation, but if you do, that's so much resentment that can fly out of your head and into the sky like a firecracker full of annoyance.
6. You're tired of being the utusan at work? Then stop being it. Your friends hate how unhappy you are at your what-seems-like-19-years-now job and they/you wish you'd make a change already, so do it! You're not winning extra points by being underpaid (and paying for your Starbucks with nickels), so ask for money because you deserve it. And while you're at it, take on bigger projects that actually mean something to you and pursue a job that you have zero experience doing but you know you have this.
7. Cake is delicious and it will not kill your whole body forever if you have one piece in between your salmon-every-day lunches. If we're all killing ourselves being good most of the time, we can totally have red velvet cake every once in a while because it tastes so much better than salmon it's not even funny. This took me way too long to realize and when I think of all the years I missed out on cake, I am sad. Do not let this happen to you.
8. Your body will probably never look like 2001 Britney Spears and honestly, whatever. When I was a kid, that is what I thought women were supposed to look like and when I grew up and I did not, I was so confused. Now I'm like, "Oh, hey, almost no one looks like that and I still get laid. Cool." and keep walking … toward my date who is hot and does not expect me to have "I'm A Slave 4 U" abs.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.