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6 Hollywood Lies About Successful Women

While IRL women are Leaning In, rom-com career girls (read: the middle-aged white male screenwriters who make them up) have some catching up to do.

1. You're too busy being a businesswoman to get laid. 
Dang it, I've been so busy being wildly successful that I've totally had zero luck with guys and have to bribe my assistant to marry me for a green card (the sad but ultimately cute plot line of The Proposal)! WOMP, WOMP. This has about as much logic as calling a woman on the Forbes list a loser or "a bad role model" because she's dated some duds (which—hello—people do).

2. You need a guy to "loosen you up." 
All that professional-bun-wearing Katherine Heigl needed in The Ugly Truth was for disgusting misogynist Gerard Butler to genitally stimulate her against her will under a table, and look, she's all hot and wears her hair down now!

3. Having a lucrative corporate job makes you a horrible, soulless wretch of a woman, like Darcy in Something Borrowed. 
Inevitably, the kind of female antagonist in a rom-com who almost gets the guy winds up losing him to the protagonist, a free-spirited go-getter.

4. If a woman is really successful, she secretly hates it. Being a movie star is so horrible, isn't it, Julia Roberts in Notting Hill
Don't you really just want to quit the glamorous life and hide your light behind the stuttering hottie that is Hugh Grant? Obviously, the answer to "What can be better than free swag, national adulation, and a million dollars for five minutes of your time?" is "OLD BOOK SMELL."

5. If you don't watch out, you'll become too successful and end up alone.
Oh, and that is the worst thing ever. Like Runway's Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada, whose fate as an incredibly powerful, sharp-as-a-tack editor-in-chief is eventually revealed as Andie's true nightmare. Why? Because she's single.

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6. Working mothers always feel like they're failing. 
If they don't, they're doing it wrong. At one point in I Don't Know How She Does It, Sarah Jessica Parker's character says that if she doesn't bake a cake from scratch for her daughter's school potluck, her daughter might end up a teenage crackhead. I'll take White Person Problems and a healthy dose of A Working Father in a Movie Would Never Feel This Way for 500, Alex!

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.