1. People oohhing and aahhing once you’re finally in a relationship.
Yes, I got myself a boyfriend after being single since last century. Yes, I let this boy kiss me and hold my hand and he might even do other things to me because we are a couple now. Stop being so excited, everyone. Move along.
2. Deciding about your relationship status on Facebook.
Must I really change my relationship status to “in a relationship” AND tag him? I’d rather not deal with all the congratulations, OMG-filled comments, and persistent notifications that are bound to blow up, thankyouverymuch.
3. Social media PDA.
Sorry, but I’ll never be one of those girlfriends who write long-ass statuses singing praises of their boyfriends complete with a photo of them looking all loved up. I’ll post the occasional couple shot with a cute caption, but if you’re looking for weepy declarations of undying love, you’ve come to the wrong page.
4. Actual PDA.
Holding hands and a kiss on the cheek are fine. Wrapping our limbs around each other and swapping spit as hearts and rainbows shoot back and forth between our eyes—while everyone and their dog watches—is not.
5. Celebrating—and keeping track of—every monthsary, i.e. “Happy 123rd monthsary, babe!"
Is this really necessary? Because I don’t even remember what date we made it official, ha ha. JUST KIDDING! (It was on the 18th, right? RIGHT.)
6. Grand gestures.
Please, don’t surprise me at the office lobby with a huge bouquet, where all my co-workers are bound to see. You’re just going to make me the subject of water-cooler talk all day.
7. Seeing over-the-top proposals, prenup pictorials, and weddings on your Facebook feed.
A flash mob proposal? Really? I’d hit my boyfriend over the head if he ever attempted to do that to me. Because see #6.
8. When friends urge you to open up about your relationship, and you’re like NO.
If my guy and I are going through a rough patch, I’d prefer to keep it on the down low instead of sobbing about it to my gal pals—or worse, going emo on my social media audience. There’s really no need to involve the entire barangay in our relationship ups and downs. We got this.
9. When people ask you about your future plans as a couple.
This is exactly the reason I’m not out there waving my relationship in everyone’s faces: People think they can go ahead and ask me questions like this. Jeez. We’ve only been together a year, Tita Susan; we don’t have to get married yet—OR AT ALL.
10. When people assume you're not really in love because you're so chill.
Of course I love my guy. I just don’t need to post a 500-word Facebook status complete with a photo of us looking all loved up to prove it to everyone, because he knows it and I know it and that’s all that matters. Now, quit getting all up in my biznez and go back to celebrating your 123rd monthsaries.
Follow Cheekie on Twitter.