10 Things He Thinks About Your Vagina

This is pretty much all we think about.

1. What does her vagina look like? And her vagina? There are so many vaginas out there and they all look different, like flowers, or Georgia O'Keeffe paintings. No man can ever see every vagina, just like he cannot see every star, but he will gaze out into the world with breathless wonder. And he will imagine.

2. Every vagina is its own mystery. Its own puzzle to solve. There is so much going on with vaginas and whenever you encounter a new one, it's just like your mom threw down one of those 100-piece puzzles and was like, "Here, don't bother me for an hour."

3. This is the best thing ever. Having sex with a vagina is like...I can't even draw a parallel. There is no equal. The vagina stands alone. The. Vagina. Stands. Alone.

4. What is it like to have one? I literally cannot even imagine what having a vagina feels like.

5. Does this thing I'm doing feel cool or weird? This technique I'm using to make you orgasm right now seems like it would be weird, but it also seems like you're really, really enjoying it.

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6. What is it even like to walk around with a tampon in all day? I can't imagine walking around with something in my butt all day. Is that even a reasonable frame of reference?

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7. What's the deal with the clit and the vagina? Seriously, we kind of got ripped off. I'm not saying I don't love my penis, but women have a clit and a vagina. We got what? Balls? Yeah, balls are great, but we're never going to orgasm just from you poking them or whatever.

8. Is it weird getting wet at random times throughout the day? That has to be weird. Does it ever not get weird? Impromptu boners still confuse me and I'm 28. I can't imagine it's great to not be sure if you're peeing your pants three times a day.

9. Why don't you put more things up in there? Listen, if I had one, I'd be putting stuff in there all the time. Literally anything. Fucking...hairbrushes, corn on the cob, straws, small apples, slightly larger apples, grapes (any size), frozen hot dogs. I wouldn't care. Why don't you take more advantage of your vagina?

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10. I want to give your vagina a trophy. Seriously, amazing vagina. Is that weird? Is it weird to pay your vagina a compliment? Directly?


This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.

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