11 Guys You Break Up With In Your Late 20s

The guy who still can't stop talking about how great college was.

Editors' Note: Because these 8 guys weren't enough. LOL. 

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1. The guy your mom really loved even though you hated him because he smelled weird and wasn't that nice to your friends. You never heard the end of "Whatever happened to Jacob," so you started getting creative by saying things like, "He fell into a volcano," and, "He was kidnapped by NASA."

2. The guy you seriously thought you were going to marry. He was smart and funny and kind and dressed really well, but there was something missing and you knew it. So you decided to roll the dice and break up with him and hope there was someone better out there. "Oh, crap, what if there isn't someone better out there?! No, no, it's OK. There is." was the theme song that played in your head for months after. 

3. The guy who had a Really Grown-Up Job but was a tool. After spending years dating college students and guys who work at bars, it's really refreshing to date someone who actually wears a suit to go to work, or at least works at a place where it wouldn't be weird to do that. He has insurance and you feel more like an adult by association! 

4. The guy you've been with for years who has no idea if he even wants to get married. Sure, you may not have any idea if you even want to get married, but after four years with this guy, it just felt odd that he was still so next-level conflicted about it that it just made sense to be like, "I love you but bye."

5. The guy who is still basically 21. He might be 28 years old biologically, but he still wears board shorts, spends most of his day at the beach, and thinks that jobs tie you down. It's fun living in his "whatever, man, I just live" bongo-playing headspace because you don't really want to grow up either, but then you realize it's possible to have fun and actually get things done. Like laundry, for example.

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6. The guy who's had 14 jobs this year and was fired from them all. At first you were excited because you had so much in common and he was so good at going down on you, but then you realized, whoa, he cannot hold down a job. At first it seemed like a dick thing to be freaked out by, but then it just made you question everything else. What was going on with him that he'd had so many damn jobs and why were his employers like, "No to this guy"? You didn't want to wait to find out.

7. The guy who still doesn't have a real bed. There is something unsettling about sleeping with a man in his late 20s who still sleeps on a futon with no frame. Sure, you can tell yourself that it's like camping and it's cool that he has a creepy bowl with pennies in it that he uses to pay for bread, but you know it's more like, "This guy is gainfully employed and he lives like a hobo. No."

8. The guy you wanted to break up with in your early 20s but didn't have to the gall to do it until now. It wasn't that bad and you guys still had fun together so you figured, "Why ruin a mildly good thing that is basically me sleeping with a friend I see sometimes." Then once you hit your mid-20s, it started to occur to you that if you stayed with Weird Kirk From College, you would probably marry Weird Kirk From College and yeah, no. 

9. Jason. Fuck Jason.We have all dated Jason. 

10. The 37 guys you met on Tinder who were the worst​. Usually you're not even breaking up with them so much as you're ghosting them or having an awkward phone call about What This Is, but just the same, they are dark, dark clouds in your past who thankfully never got you pregnant. 

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11. The guy who still can't stop talking about how great college was. It was four years ago, Jared. They still sell beer. You still talk to Kenny and Ric. Move on.

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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.

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