1. Practice finding a nice way to tell someone nope, you didn't come yet. I'm not saying you should spend every single day in the mirror practicing how to tell guys they didn't make you come, because I'm pretty sure that's a fast track to low-grade depression. But even just rehearsing a way to tell a guy in your words, "Hey, I didn't come yet. Let's see if we can change that," so that you always have it in your back pocket is like having a condom in your back pocket at all times. Comforting and also, weirdly adult.
2. Try out all the crazy stuff you've been dying to try with someone else, with yourself. If you're able to go all out and knock your own socks off in bed, it'll be that much easier to give your next sex partner a full-on Power Point presentation of some stuff he could try instead of a printout of something vague you read online.
3. Try to find your vulva beautiful every single day, no matter how lazy you've been about shaving this month. If you can start to love the way your vulva looks whether it's sporting a giant mound of hair that could block out the sun or a little bit of fuzz that looks like it's trying to grow a beard, you'll be so much less likely to worry about that crap during sex.
4. Spend the time it would take you to, no pressure at all, making yourself come. If you can practice being patient with yourself and your own body for hours, it'll be a lot easier to relax when he's been going down on you for what seems like two hours now and you're starting to panic because what if he dies down there?
5. Stop treating your purple rabbit vibrator like it's the only toy that could ever get you off ever. I fully understand finding that beautiful all-in-one magician and clinging to it like it's a man made of gold and chocolate and no one could compare, but you owe it to yourself to make sure that's the case.
6. Try on 20 porn "outfits" until you find the right porn "outfit" for you. This is basically just my way of saying to watch a lot of porn you think you might be into, throw all of the ones that don't work on the floor, and buy the one that makes you want to masturbate like, immediately. This also works out well when you're in a dry spell or if a date sucks because pfft, who cares? You have porn that fits. Is this comparison getting weird yet? OK, I'll stop.
7. Treat your body like you're training for a sex marathon, but instead of a 5K, it's like, an entire-life K. You never really know when you'll meet your next "holy crap, sex can be this great?!" sex partner, so eating reasonably well and getting a solid amount of exercise so you won't want to nap halfway through future-sex is a good idea. Even if your next great sex partner is your boyfriend of five years who sleeps next to you every day, keeping your endurance up for your ~*inTiMatE loVE makiNG*~ is still important.
8. Get yourself off every night, 7 p.m., no matter what for a week like it's your freaking job. Make a point to have an orgasm every single day at a set time, even if you're tired, or you're mad at your dumb co-worker and her dumb salads that smell like a trash can was lit on fire. Making your sexuality a priority will make you feel more relaxed, more taken care of, and more in control of your own life. Also, you'll be having orgasms every day, so there's that.
9. ~*KeGeLs*~. They don't take that much time and it's just a fun, weird secret to have going on in your pants.
10. Speak with your friends more openly about sex. It doesn't have to reach Sex And The City levels of bawdiness, but just being able to be more open when you're talking about sex with people you're really close with makes you realize it's not this huge, scary thing you can never speak of ever because if you do, it will cause puppies to die.
11. Spend at least a few minutes day replacing one negative thing you say about your body with something that's actually really nice to hear. Spending even the three minutes you're in the bathroom telling yourself your stomach looks cute today instead of turning your eyes away from it like it's a solar eclipse can make such a difference. Mostly, because that's likely the same part of your body you'll worry about during sex and worry does not equal, "fun, carefree orgasms." Plus, your best friend has that same bulge-y stomach thing too and she looks cute all the time. Be your own best friend as much as you can. Your orgasms will thank you.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.