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11 Things You Know If You're Dating Someone Vainer Than You

He always tells you, "Only the weak skip leg day."

1. The gym will always be his number one. Whenever you suggest a spontaneous dinner date you're met with a, 'Babe, you know it's my gym night.' His workout schedule is more rigid then his biceps and you're crazy if you think you're getting in between him and his weights.

2. There will be a lot of whining in the aftermath of a gazillion squats, but as he always reminds you, "Only the weak skip 'leg day.'"

3. A couple photo becomes a well-executed sport. You thought you were picky with angles, but your buff boyfriend has a side, a stance and a facial expression all ready to action at the sight of a camera-phone."Babe, would you mind bending down a little so I look taller?"

4. And if you don't want to be cropped out you better be on your A-game. His Instagram is his masterpiece and he isn't going to let just anything on there.

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5. He'll spend the majority of his paycheck in Topman. The V-neck rail gets raided on a monthly basis and as a result his cleavage is on display more than yours.

6. You spend a lot of time massaging his ego because underneath his perfect skin and gelled hair he's absolutely terrified.

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7. You know all too well what 'spornosexual' means. That's a sports-star/porn-star hybrid, by the way. He may deny the term, but his perma-tanned, toned and preened-to-perfection appearance says otherwise, and you feel the pressure to actually use your gym membership and brush your hair.

8. When he gets a pimple he heads straight to your make-up bag. You need to replace your Estée Lauder double-wear concealer way more often than when you were single.

9. He smells like the inside of a perfumery. His cologne collection spans the entirety of his chest of drawers surface.

10. He asks you to wax his back. Being hair-free is key to spornosexuality, and despite your protests he insists you assist him in the removal process.

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11. He takes just as long as you to get ready. Often you're the one screaming for him to hurry up as he gently places his slicked back hair into place, and adjusts his V-neck into optimum position.


This article originally appeared on Minor edits have been made by the editors.