1. If you're fidgeting around like you've got a drug habit (note: only acceptable if you don't actually have a drug habit).
First dates are weird and uncomfortable. Being nervous is completely fine. Apologizing for being nervous every 10 seconds isn't. That's awful. Just laugh it off if you accidentally drop your spoon.
2. If you think you're talking so much that we've tuned out completely.
It can be really tough to find common ground or topics that get both of us excited. You might think telling us your life story is obnoxious, but the reason we're sitting there smiling politely is because we're thinking, "I am so glad I haven't had to think of anything to say for the last 20 minutes."
3. Ordering a drink or five.
Take the edge off. Get drunk and silly and open up way more on this date than you should. If you find yourself vomiting into your date's shoe by 9 p.m., you probably overdid it, but we're not going to judge if you get a buzz.
4. If you eat actual, real human food in front of us on purpose.
Don't order a salad or a single almond just to make us think you've transcended basic tenants of human physiology and can convert the rays of the sun into nourishment because you're on that photosynthesis grind. Do order a salad if you just feel like one. Or order a rack of ribs and get it all over your face and show us you're DTER (down to eat ribs).
5. If you're basically interrogating us.
It's way more important to keep the flow of conversation going (because silence is scary) on a first date. Don't ever feel like you're prying, unless you're asking for our social security number or TIN or something.
6. Talking about ghosts of boyfriends past (not literal ghosts).
Casually mentioning the fact that you actually have a dating history isn't cringe-inducing. It's normal. So normal, it's almost boring.
7. Showing up fashionably late.
We can handle sitting at a table by ourselves checking our Instagram feed for a few minutes. Just don't be upset if we leave after half an hour of waiting around if we don't hear from you.
8. Actually being into us and texting us after the date and not following some Templar Dating Code of Conduct that doesn't exist.
We're not going to get freaked out by a cute text saying you had fun on the date. But if we weren't that into you and we get a couple cute texts right after the date, we will smash our phone, burn it, and bury it like it was some Ouija board a demon used to contact us. JK!
9. Whether or not you pay for a round of drinks.
We're going into a date expecting to pay. If you want to treat us or go Dutch, great. We're not going to start screaming about equality and men's rights if you don't reach for your purse, though (well, most of us, anyway).
10. If you feel like driving (because that means we can get kinda drunk).
Welcome to 2014, where we can do advanced computations on a portable rectangle and women can drive!
11. If you're wearing something sexy (or not).
As long as you show up in clothes, we're probably not going to be shocked. Unless we're going to a black tie restaurant, you don't have to go all-out with the hair and the makeup and the sexy dress and the...whatever women do to get fancy. Wear whatever you're comfortable in. You look great.
12. If you're "good at flirting."
True passion comes from the electricity between two hearts. Or something. I just made that up. My point is: You don't have to start flipping your hair all over and making eyes at us to let us know you're interested. Just be you (unless "being you" means flipping your hair all over).
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor changes have been implemented by Cosmo.ph editors.