1. When I say I can get ready in five minutes, I can get ready in five minutes.
I don't put makeup, because makeup is scary girl thing. I don't understand how some girls take two hours in the bathroom. I could have literally gone to Starbucks, bought a latte, and watched two episodes of Orange Is The New Black.
2. In relation, GNO scares the shit out of me.
My friends have this thing where they like doing makeup in someone's house before Girls' Night Out, so we can all compare fashion and makeup notes. This is such a struggle for me. Jill is putting on three different eye shadow colors on her lids, and is asking if she should wear red lipstick or pink lipstick, because she's wearing a blue dress. Meanwhile, I am the girl in bed, playing songs on Spotify for them, because I am bored AF.
3. Pinterest also scares me.
Okay, the truth is, I have tried Googling how to pull off a pretty side braid, or how to make fancy nail art, because at one point in my life, I wanted to look a little more glamorous than usual. But admittedly, going through Pinterest just made me more stressed.
4. I don't hate fashion, okay? I just don't understand it.
Comfort over style any day, all day, every day! If I had a choice, I'd be in oversized sweats, denim cut-offs, and a top knot. If you have a problem with my oversized sweats, don't date me, because there is no chance in hell I am tossing those away.
5. I invented normcore.
I was normcore before normcore was normcore. Paano naging fashion trend yung boyfriend jeans, white V-neck tee, and sneakers? That's been my uniform since I was an embryo.
6. I can't walk in heels.
I tried. I failed. If you plan to take me to a fancy dinner where heels are a requirement, can you ask me out, like, two weeks in advance? I literally have to buy a pair of heels, and then practice walking in them. P.S. I might trip and die during our fancy dinner date, so you have to be prepared for that, too. Do you have big biceps? You have to carry me. I am hopeless.
7. You can take me anywhere!
Swimming with the whale sharks? Game ako! Climbing Mt. Pulag? Up for it! I'm pretty low maintenance. If you tell me to pack light, I will take two shirts and a bikini. Promise, I don't need a kikay kit! Sige nga, anong gagawin ko sa red lipstick sa taas ng Mt. Pulag?
8. But you can't take me to a club.
Or a bar. Seriously, what's the difference? Basta never take me to a place where my vision will be clouded with smoke and strobe lights.
9. I don't wear makeup to the beach.
And I don't get people who do. I also ask myself why people wear giant hoop earrings to the beach. Or flower crowns (but that is a separate article).
10. I don't give a fuck about selfies.
Or #OOTD posts. If I do post a shot of my outfit, it's because I am actually made up for a wedding or a debut. Also, I am in a formal dress! So cut me some slack if I post ONE selfie with a made up face. My hashtag will most likely be #MinsanLangPagbigyan (and you better double tap that).
11. Despite me being low-maintenance, I still kind of want to dress up every once in a while, just because.
So if you ask me out on a date, and you see me in a pretty dress, don't say something like "Aba! Naka-dress ka ah! Ano meron?" At least tell me I'm pretty and I look great, because this seriously takes a lot of effort. Compliment me, human!
12. I will break my rules...eventually.
Sometimes, I will actually go through Pinterest and look for fashion pegs. "Oh, so that outfit can work? I wonder if I can try that?" Or "So THAT'S how you contour your cheeks like Kim Kardashian!" And then I will try layering on three different shades of foundation, until I realize, "T*ngina this. I am going back to bed."
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