1. Have sex.
This is something we'd love to do on Valetine's Day. It's also something we'd love to do on other days, like all of them.
2. Just watch something on TV together.
This is great because it involves not spending any money on a holiday that is only kind of "eh."
3. Go to a restaurant where there is steak.
If we've got to go to a fancy restaurant in the name of love, they better have good steak.
4. Have sex again.
We just need some time to recover from the first session, is all.
5. Give and receive chocolate.
Chocolate is pretty good. Ideally, though, we would exchange steak instead of chocolate.
6. Not cry when they think about how much they spent on jewelry.
It's so expensive and it doesn't even do anything. Like a scarf made of tissue paper, or like a scarf made of regular stuff.
7. Have a day off work.
If Valentine's day was really important, we'd have the day off to lay around in bed all day.
8. Have sex while eating steak.
Ultimate V-Day achieved.
9. Play videogames.
Something co-op, obviously, because that's romantic. No switching off the controller bullshit on Valentine's Day.
This can involve cuddling. It doesn't have to. We can just take a nap and see each other in our dreams. Or whatever.
11. Ignore the fact that it's Valentine's Day and just do something fun.
Labeling it ruins everything.
12. Get super drunk on something romantic, like champagne.
So having more than one two three eight glasses of champagne isn't classy, but it's fun.
13. Promise not to feel forced to write awkward notes about how much we love each other in our cards this year.
It's physically painful, having to make yourself that mushy.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.