We ladies love to get our freak on, but there are still some sex things that, while we’re intrigued about, we shy away from because of the great potential for discomfort, embarrassment, anxiety, or even physical danger (!!!) that they bring. So no thanks; we’ll stick to our vanilla sex moves for tonight, and live to bang (and fantasize about bondage or any of the sex things below) another day.
1. Joining the Mile High Club.
Besides it being physically uncomfortable and completely unhygienic to do the deed in one of those cramped airplane lavatories, what if someone catches us? WILL WE GET ARRESTED?!
2. Sex in a super public place.
A group of kids on a field trip might walk in on us while we’re getting it on in the park, and we'll end up getting reported to the authorities or traumatizing those poor kids for the rest of their lives—neither of which sounds very sexy.
3. Having a threesome.
Any woman who claims that the idea of a threesome hasn’t crossed her mind at least once in her life is lying. But the issues that arise when even just the conversation is brought up, particularly among committed couples—“What, am I not enough for you?!”—is more trouble than it’s worth.
4. Mutual masturbation.
While this might be NBD for LDR couples who are used to Skype sex, for couples going at it face-to-face, it might feel kind of awkward to let each other in on such an intimate solo act—awkward positions, panting exertions, cross-eyed looks of pleasure and all.
5. Using a vibrator.
We sometimes wonder how one of those toys would feel, but are we really ready for that Rabbit to *rock our world*? What if it changes our lives so much, no peen can ever compare again?
6. Watching porn together.
Women do get off on porn, despite the horrible plots and bad acting. But if we watch it with our S.O., this question might nag at us: “Does he find the porn actress with the bleached butthole hotter than I am?” And later, while banging: “Is he imagining banging said porn actress while he bangs me?” Not every girl is cool enough to just roll with the possible answers.
This is a nightmare for self-conscious chicks, because how much acting would be required for it to be effective? We’re already wearing the French maid costume; are we expected to do the accent, too?
8. Performing a striptease.
We’d have to put on the right music; do some light, sexy choreography; and all the while look hot and not like a kid in a school talent show trying hard to look like a grown-up. SO MUCH PRESSURE.
9. Recording the act on video.
We've read about enough celebrity sex videos leaked online to ban recording in the bedroom completely. Not even if our boyfriends promised to store the video somewhere “safe,” nope. Not gonna happen.
10. Being as loud as we damn well please.
How liberating it would be to just howl like a banshee during sex without giving two fucks who hears, right? But of course we give two fucks, maybe even three. We don’t want everyone in our apartment building talking about the sex-crazed lunatic on the 3rd floor.
We can get turned on by the thought of being spanked and having our hair pulled, or maybe being blindfolded and having our wrists tied to the bedposts. But there’s always that fear that a guy will be so into it, the whips and chains come out and it’s like Fifty Shades of Grey, but with more pain than pleasure. #AFRAID
12. Butt play.
Not just talking about the P in the B here, but other things, too, like fingers or butt plugs or whatever the hell kind of objects people put in there. We’ve read about women who actually love doing backdoor stuff, which makes us curious about exploring possibilities in that hole. But at the same time, that’s where poop comes out, and that’s a REALLY small hole, and ugh, never mind.
The idea of grinding your way to orgasm over your partner’s mouth seems hot in theory, but if we asked a guy to do it, would he welcome the chance to be trapped underneath a vag—and possibly have his breathing cut off—with the same enthusiasm?
Yes, erotic asphyxiation is a thing; apparently it heightens orgasms. Just make sure your partner doesn’t apply too much force and kill you in the process. KIDDING! That went too far. (But just sayin’, it could happen.)
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