One of the best things boyfriends are good at is annoying you. Things that would be mildly irritating suddenly become the Krakatoa of annoying things once they're filtered through a boyfriend. It's not that we try to piss you off; we just have no clue stuff like this would get you mad. It's because most of these things would never bother us ever. Maybe.
1. Looking at other girls.
It's not that we don't realize this bothers you so much as we don't always realize we're doing it. Our brain taps us on the metaphysical shoulder and says, "Yo, look! A girl's ass!" And we're just like, "Oh, what's up?" and before we realize it, we're looking.
2. Excessive teasing (or, if you prefer, "mean jokes").
Sometimes what we think is funny is apparently just "being mean" even if we were making a joke about how you have a giant head. Also, you don't have a giant head. That's why we joked about it. In fact, your head is abnormally small. Oh, great. Now we're in trouble again.
3. Not taking your side in a small argument.
Yeah, couples should have each other's back, but when you're arguing against the sanctity of sacred institutions like the NBA, we just can't abide.
4. Not listening to everything you say.
We get distracted. Like squirrels but with less of a grasp on the English language.
5. Not texting you back right away.
We're very busy playing 2K. Yes, that counts as busy. Sorry.
6. Not getting you presents for a holiday when you say, "Let's not exchange presents."
We tend to do this thing where we take what you say literally and then we go and do (or not do) that thing.
7. Choosing to hang out with the guys.
Especially when we didn't realize you already had plans in mind. Sorry, but sometimes we just need to bro out. Every guy does, even your dad. Your dad bros out.
8. Mingling too much with other people at parties.
We see you all the time, so we figured mingling was OK, since you know, like, three of the people here. You can talk to those people, right?
9. Not putting you in our profile picture.
This picture of us making a ridiculous face while drinking a beer and flicking off the camera is way less embarrassing than a picture of us kissing.
10. Kicking off all the sheets in the middle of the night.
Our legs get hot and also we're asleep, so it's not even our fault. Blame our subconscious.
11. When we make a mess of your room.
Remember when you said, "What's yours is mine"? Well, this is how we treat stuff that's ours.
12. Not realizing you're angry in the first place.
We are not good at picking up context clues.
13. Making fun of you for liking girly things.
We don't understand the appeal of things like Pilates or the Kardashians. We probably Kardashian-shame you pretty hard, but we think it's in good fun.
14. Joking with other people about all the stuff you do to get ready to go out.
Your boyfriend probably gets to see a lot of the behind-the-scenes of what you do to get ready, and he probably thinks it's funny to joke about it on group dates. We think we're just being fun when we laugh about how often we're late to the movies because you spent way too long filling in your kilay. Our bad.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.