1. "I've been eating really healthy lately, but I think I'm going to get a bacon cheeseburger."
It's our way of ordering a burger without having you think we eat total shit all the time. Which we may or may not do, but statistically speaking, we probably eat garbage. In fact, 90 percent of guys eat literal garbage out of their neighbor's trash cans like raccoons.
2. "Oh yeah, I watch Scandal too."
No guy loves Scandal. Guys love being able to connect with you on a first date though. What that sentence really means is, "My ex-girlfriend used to make me watch Scandal but I don't want to bring her up."
3. "I've never been here before."
He brought his last Tinder date here.
4. "I've only had two drinks."
Here, at the restaurant. But he had three back home to loosen up.
5. "You need to see Star Wars...like right now."
OK, you do need to see Star Wars, but that's not the point. He just wants to get you back to his place for a movie. It's a move.
6. "I'm not cold."
He's cold. He's totally cold. He just wants to look like a kind badass when he gives you his coat or hoodie or sleeveless vest or whatever the fuck it is guys you date wear.
7. "I was at the gym today, and..."
Honestly, fifty-fifty shot that this is true, but he's definitely making sure you know he works out.
8. "I don't go on many dates."
Maybe he doesn't, but maybe he does. But he's definitely downplaying the number of dates (or "dates") he goes on. This is all assuming this comes up in conversation, you weirdos.
9. "My whole family is great."
Everyone, everyone, has a black sheep in the family.
10. "My last serious girlfriend was about a year ago."
It was probably more like a week.
11. "No, I can totally get the check."
He wants you to split it. Secretly, in his heart, he wants you to split it.
12. "Work is going great."
No sane person is going to rant about work on their first date. He's holding back.
13. "Oh, my last breakup was totally mutual."
No breakup is mutual. At the very least, one of them brought it up first. But your first date isn't the time to bring up the fact that he stalked his ex for six months or that he still has a scar from when she stabbed him, so...
14. "Yeah, I've got a pretty busy weekend ahead."
If he says he has nothing going on, you're going to think he's a loser with no friends. His only option is to feign a packed schedule. Plus, it makes him harder to pin down again.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.