1. When he's really tired.
A man will pass up sex when he's exhausted. Sorry, I meant to type "asleep."
2. Right after he masturbated.
He can't help his refractory period, but it's guaranteed he regrets giving in to it now.
3. When his mom is in town.
Maybe not so much "in town" as in the room with you. Because that's just weird.
4. If there is a fire currently nearby.
Assuming it's a pretty dangerous, uncontained fire, most men will prioritize getting away alive before having sex. After the fire? Absolutely.
5. Immediately after he was hit in the balls.
I don't know if there have been any scientific studies around whether or not a man can get an erection after getting hit in the balls, but I'm pretty sure it's impossible.
6. After he just ate a lot of Indian food.
It's not that he doesn't want to have sex. He does. He's just in some gastrointestinal distress right now.
7. If his penis is injured.
Don't ask how it happened, but it did. No one wants to have sex with a hurt penis.
8. When he has the flu.
Headaches and fevers? No problem. The flu? It's tough to get in the mood when you're physically ill.
9. If he's been tear-gassed.
Are you crazy? Never ask a man to have sex after he's been hit with tear gas and beanbags for protesting peacefully.
10. When he's super-glued his hands together.
Actually, this is probably still doable. If he's super-glued his hands to his penis, though? Sex is right out.
11. When you just had a conversation about his immediate family.
You want to remind him of the weird people he grew up with and then want him to totally change gears and have sex? That's like trying to go from zero to 60 on a bicycle that has no wheels and you were just talking to it about its mom and dad bikes.
12. When you are literally a vampire.
He might want to have sex up until the point where you try and suck all of the blood from his body like an O+ Capri Sun, but when you bare your fangs he's going to be like, "Sorry. This isn't for me."
13. Immediately after watching Dance Moms.
That show is like boner pill medicine that tumbled out of a rift between our world and the Negative Zone. It's the opposite, is what I'm saying. It actually causes men's penises to retract inside their bodies like a floppy tortoise head.
14. When he's got whiskey dick.
If tears of frustration could suddenly cure whiskey dick, it wouldn't ever be a problem. Instead, men are stuck with their useless penises, avoiding sex out of embarrassment at all costs.
This post originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.