1. What you look for
In your 20s: You're looking for a cool guy you can hang out with, watch movies with, get drunk with, and have hot sex with.
In your 30s: You're looking for a partner. A LIFE PARTNER.
2. Where you meet men
In your 20s: At bars, clubs, parties, and Tinder.
In your 30s: Through work, social connections, and well-meaning friends who try to set you up with eligible gentlemen. (And Tinder.)
3. The guys you're attracted to
In your 20s: You don’t think twice about dating party boys, starving artists, and lost souls still “finding themselves.”
In your 30s: Ain't nobody got time for that. You want someone with real plans and real employment.
4. The actual date
In your 20s: You grab a bite at a casual dining spot, then head to a bar to get sloshed.
In your 30s: You feast on an eight-course degustation plus a bottle of wine at a nice restaurant, then call it a night. You’ve got an early meeting tomorrow.
5. How drunk you are on a date
In your 20s: You get drunk to have fun. Or to end up in bed.
In your 30s: You get drunk...on conversation. Did this guy really just enumerate, off the top of his head, everything that’s wrong with this country’s current administration? YOU’RE IN LOVE.
6. The sex
In your 20s: Fumbling, but good. You didn’t orgasm but hey, maybe next time.
In your 30s: You know exactly how to get the pleasure you seek, and you are going to show him HOW. IT’S. DONE.
7. Your insecurities
In your 20s: You're still self-conscious, and you find yourself adopting certain affectations and interests so a dude will like you more. (“OMG, I LOVE BASKETBALL, TOO!”)
In your 30s: Baby, you know exactly what you’re made of. You're like, “I got stretch marks and an unhealthy addiction to #AlDub. This is the way I am, take it or leave it.”
8. Thinking about having kids
In your 20s: You don’t. When you do, it’s during a pregnancy scare where you ask yourself in panic if you’re ready to bring a child into this world out of wedlock. (Your answer: NO.)
In your 30s: You do. You wonder how many you can still pop out at your age, and whether or not you actually WANT to have kids. And if you do, you secretly pray that your future offspring won't inherit your current man's receding hairline, LOL.
9. Spotting red flags
In your 20s: So what if your date was totally mean to the waiter just now? He was just being funny. And besides, he’s REALLY hot.
In your 30s: Your asshole detector is sharp as a tack by now, and that shit won’t fly with you anymore. Dude’s definitely not getting a second date.
10. The relationship talk
In your 20s: You're afraid to bring up the “are we or aren’t we” conversation. What if it’s too soon and it scares him off?
In your 30s: You have to bring it up. You don't want to waste your time on someone who only wants a fling, because you’re looking for a partner. A LIFE PARTNER.
11. The fights
In your 20s: You fight to the death over an issue that's, like, not even worth it.
In your 30s: You pick your battles better now. You will not lose your cool over being forced to watch a Jackie Chan flick on date night.
12. The breakups
In your 20s: You’re utterly devastated when it doesn’t work out. You could’ve made it work. (You think.)
In your 30s: You’re sad for a while, but then you realize that you could never be with someone who served his temper tantrums Bruce Banner-style. So yeah, nice knowing ya.
13. The dating attempts
In your 20s: You’ve dated a lot of guys who are just not right for you, but it's cool. You're young. The world is your oyster and all that.
In your 30s: You don’t mess around with inappropriate types anymore because the (biological) clock is ticking. And it ticks louder every time you see cute babies in your Facebook feed.
14. The feeling you seek
In your 20s: How he should make you feel: ecstatic.
In your 30s: How he should make you feel: like a better person.
15. The ultimate goal
In your 20s: You just want to find true love. Bonus points if he’s hot.
In your 30s: You just want to find true love. But if you don’t, oh well. You’ve got your work to keep you busy, your cats to keep you company, and adoption to consider.
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