1. Wonky Internet connection while on Skype.
How can you have a proper date when his face keeps blurring into a watercolor painting or freezing at an unattractive angle every few seconds?
2. Reaching out to stroke his face—or more accurately, his pixelated image—on your smartphone or laptop.
It’s just not the same when it’s an LCD screen you feel beneath your fingers.
3. Timezone problems.
You either have to wake up very early or sleep very late to have these chats. Either way, you’re a zombie.
4. Your intense need for WiFi.
You have become that person who always has to ask for the WiFi password when she’s at a restaurant, a café, or a friend’s house.
5. Blowing your money on plane tickets and phone bills.
“All for love,” you tell yourself as you once again fish your credit card out of your wallet.
6. Having to find new ways to express your affection.
How do I show him I love him when I can’t show him personally? A YouTube song number? A long-distance flash mob? How about I jump in a balikbayan box and ship myself over to where he lives? No.
7. When he sends you a picture of himself looking adorable.
I should be beside this beautiful man. Not some stranger he’s seated next to on the train to work. *sobs*
8. Seeing pictures of him on Facebook with girls you don’t know.
Not that you don’t trust your guy, but you don’t really have the luxury of getting to meet these bitches—Did you just say bitches? Ha ha, you meant girls—to put any questions in your head to rest.
9. Seeing couples act all lovey-dovey around you.
I bet my baby and I would look better holding hands than those two. On second thought, maybe not because HE’S NOT EVEN HERE.
10. Valentine’s Day.
And anniversaries. And birthdays. And every Saturday night. Also known as no-date nights.
11. The sexual frustration.
Oh, you can’t even begin to describe this one.
12. Being “seen-zoned.”
You know he doesn’t mean to do it. He just doesn’t have Internet connection all the time.
13. When something awesome happens to you and he’s the first person you want to talk to about it, but—just your luck—he’s NOT ONLINE.
What am I supposed to do with all this good news about to burst from me? Do I just tell it to my near-deaf grandmother? It might make her smile, right?
14. When something awesome happens to him and you can’t do much except say “Congrats!”
Let’s list that down among the 13 other things we were supposed to celebrate together but couldn’t, and celebrate them all in one go the next time we meet!
15. When he fails to get in touch with you for a day and you fear that he’s dead in a ditch somewhere.
Should I be worried? Will I get a message from his brother saying sorry, but he’s dead? We were going to get married!
16. Counting the days until you can be together.
It wouldn’t be so bad if it were just days you were counting. But if it were weeks or months or—heaven forbid—years, it’s terrible.
17. The inevitable parting after being together.
You try not to fall apart while saying goodbye, but as you watch him walk through those airport gates, you just know that you’re going to dissolve in a puddle of ugly tears when you get home.
18. When you honest-to-goodness miss him.
You miss how he makes you laugh like no one else and how his touch is the only one you seek and how you don’t even need to explain yourself to him because no one else understands you like he does and—that’s enough. All this whining won’t bring him any closer to your continent.
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