2. Big dogs.
If we could, we would own wolves and ride them around. Unfortunately, that's illegal, so giant dogs are the next big thing.
Big, loud muscle cars that guzzle gas and go faster than we would ever need to drive to get to the supermarket to pick you up some tampons are the pinnacle of manly transportation. Also, they're a representation of our penis.
Shooting a gun just feels right. The bigger and louder, the better, because they're a representation of our penis.
Maybe it's because eating big red slabs of meat reminds us of our primordial, predatorial ancestors stalking prey through the jungle, but the only thing manlier than a steak is two steaks.
6. Leather jackets.
Blame James Dean and Indiana Jones for this one.
Fighting lets us show how big and strong we are, which is why we try and get into fights over the stupidest things possible. It lets us show everyone who is bigger and stronger and better at fighting over what volume level the TV should currently be at.
A bunch of dudes grabbing at a bunch of other dudes and getting into huddles and stuff. This is manlier than baseball.
Explosions of any size flood our brain with dopamine, but the bigger, the better. They're a representation of our penis.
10. Bruce Willis.
The man made Die Hard. Also, he's a representation of our penis.
11. Building something.
Fixing stuff makes us seems accomplished. We still equate putting together Ikea furniture with mending a fence or building a log cabin, even though log cabins never came with tabbed, pre-milled pieces and instructions.
The manliest profession possible. Eating bacon, growing beards, chopping giant things down with an ax (it's a representation of our penis), and heavy-lifting.
For when you can't be a lumberjack.
14. Being good at something stupid.
We're competitive to a fault. Who can drink the most beer? Who can eat the most slices of pizza? It doesn't matter how sick we get afterward, as long as we're vomiting as champions.
The lumberjacking of liquors.
16. Man caves.
We fill these places up with the manliest stuff we can: giant TVs, sports memorabilia, a kegorator, and then we come down here and just have a good cry. We just let it all out.
Having a giant, smoky cigar in our mouth multiplies the manliness of whatever we're doing tenfold. Also, it's a representation of our penis.
18. Throwing the GPS out the window.
We can get to this place we've never been before just by navigating with the current positioning of the sun in the sky and our penis. And also when you eventually make us pull over and ask for directions.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor changes have been implemented by Cosmo.ph editors.