1. We're pretty damn house-proud. With no-one to blame that messy pile of crap in the corner on, we feel the very real pressure of what our place looks like.
2. Don't be surprised if it looks a little like a show home the first couple of times you come round. We're not clean freaks, we just don't want to appear like a total slob… yet.
3. But sometimes it will be an absolute mess. With no-one around to nag us about cleaning, busy weeks can lead to a record-breaking piles of clothes on the floor and a sink of dishes the height of two rulers. Try not to judge us, you know you'd do the same. Take it as a sign of acceptance that we're letting you see our un-Photoshopped life in full.
4. That's no excuse for you to do the same, though. One of the reasons we love living alone is that we only have to tidy up after ourselves. We're not saying you should float around like a ghost leaving no trace, but if you start cooking yourself meals and leave us with a full bin and a counter crammed with pans, you will feel our wrath.
5. Quick warning: The bedside table drawer probably contains at least one vibrator.
6. Our fridge is probably a disappointment. No matter how much we love cooking and eating good food, we shop to eat. When you live alone, only a fool maintains a fully-stocked fridge at all times. There's only so much a single person can eat and sell-by-dates are unforgiving. Monday = a fridge feast. Sunday = that egg advert where they make an omelette out of a mouldy onion and some questionable cheese.
7. We're independent. SHOCKER. If you're over dating clingy gals who want to be around you all the time, you've come to the right place. If we live alone, it's usually because our lives are busy enough that we're pretty much just sleeping there. Plus, we're used to our own company. So a night in with a glass of wine and a Grey's Anatomy marathon while you party with your pals is fine by us.
8. But we need to know your plans. There's no-one else to let you in if you turn up drunk on a Friday night while we're out. So if you don't keep us in the loop, expect to be left waiting on the street.
9. We're pretty comfortable in our own skin. Some secret single behaviors have just become habit and wandering around naked is definitely one of them. As is cooking naked, watching TV naked, etc.
10. Do not judge our collection of shows and movies. Just don't.
11. You better enjoy small confined spaces. Chances are, if we're living alone, it's not in a studio loft with space for 5. While housemates can be annoying, they also mean more space and sometimes a garden. If you're dating a girl who lives on her own with a garden, she's probably a millionaire.
12. But we've always got the place to ourself. Shout out to fans of having sex in places other than the bed. The shower, sofa, kitchen table and anywhere else you fancy are yours for the sex taking. No need to worry about being noisy either. Just saying…
13. We're not a frickin' hotel. Just because we live on our own, it doesn't mean you can get away with never inviting us to yours, never introducing us to your friends and basically crashing at our place 24/7.
14. PLEASE COOK FOR US. The first time you start pottering around our kitchen (that's not a euphemism), it feels weird. But finally having someone to treat us to a home-cooked meal is the most luxurious thing ever. You will be rewarded. Extra rewards for washing up after and giving the table a dust (also not a euphemism).
15. You might have a few sleepless nights. We're not talking sex (although, that too), we're talking us sleeping diagonally across the double bed in full starfish pose. We're not trying to be selfish, it's just what we're used to and we can't control what our body does when it's fast asleep. Just give us a little nudge/shove.
16. We might be a bit stubborn. We're used to doing things our way. That's not to say we can't compromise… it might just take a while.
17. But don't be a pushover. It's kinda hot when you take charge.
18. Be sensitive. Our home is our little haven and it's ours and only ours. If we've invited you in, it's a sign of trust. So, please try not to insult our questionable decor/cupboard food/choice of location, because we will take it personally.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.co.uk. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.