There's so much weird sex slang circulating at any one time that it's impossible to keep up. I pretty regularly overhear a conversation between two teenage boys and am not sure if they're talking about sex or skateboarding. If you've been nervously laughing at dirty jokes for five years because you've been too afraid to Google something (with good reason), this list should clear it right up for you.
A word of warning: these are all tasteless, often derogatory, and/or racist, but they've entered the pop culture lexicon at some point, and you'll probably keep hearing them for the foreseeable future despite your best efforts. Also, as always, consent matters! Be sure to ask and ask again that your partner is as excited as you are if you want to try any of these out.
1. Rusty trombone.
This act is performed on a male specifically and is a combination of anilingus while simultaneously reaching around to masturbate the recipient. Think about how a trombone is played, and then picture doing that to a human being. I'll let you figure out the "rusty" part for yourself.
You probably know what this is by now, but some people have just never asked and now they're too embarrassed. Two partners perform oral sex on one another simultaneously, with one lying on their back while the other lies on top; each of them facing the others genitals, forming a shape not dissimilar to a 69. Get it? GET IT!
3. Donkey punch.
This is when you punch someone in the head during doggie style sex because people are horrible and also no one really does this.
4. Dirty Sanchez.
This one is pretty gross because the term is casually racist and also it involves poop. It was also popularized in Dustin Diamond's (aka Screech from Saved by the Bell) sex tape. It involves placing a finger into your partner's butt and then wiping it on their upper lip, creating the illusion of a mustache.
5. Golden shower.
This is simply the act of peeing on someone during sex. It is also known as "water sports," which is why when you Google image search that, you get pictures of people smiling on jet skis mixed in with middle aged dudes peeing on teens. Welcome to the Internet!
This can stand for "automated teller machine" but most people don't use that as a sex toy. It can also stand for "ass to mouth." This is when one participant places his penis into his partner's butt and then their mouth without cleaning anything off. I'm not a doctor but this is probably not advisable, health-wise.
7. Tune-in Tokyo.
The act of twisting and fiddling with your partner's nipples as if they were radio knobs. This is sometimes purposeful, and sometimes used to describe someone who is inexperienced and terrible at nipple play. Historians aren't positive why it invokes the capital of Japan specifically, other than it's distant and would likely require a lot of effort to successfully reach Tokyo.
This is a diplomatic way of saying ass-eating that's not "anilingus." That's it.
The act of placing one's testicles gingerly into their partner's mouth, similarly to how you would dip a tea bag in hot water.
You may remember this from Soulja Boy's "Crank That" (also, you may remember Soulja Boy from the year 2007). Although Soulja Boy directs the act at "that hoe" this can be done to anyone. When having sex from behind, the guy ejaculates onto his partner's upper back without warning. Satiated, the partner rolls onto their back and falls asleep. They awake to find that the semen has dried, adhering the sheets to their back like a cape that Superman would wear.
12. A facial.
When a man comes on his partner's face. (For examples, see pretty much every porn ever).
Having sex without a condom.
14. A pearl necklace.
When a man ejaculates on a woman's chest and neck in a way that recalls an elegant pearl necklace. A challenging technique.
15. Spit roast.
A threesome position wherein one person is bent over at the waist giving one guy oral sex, while the second guy has sex with the blow job giver from behind. The whole thing resembles a pig roasting on a spit.
16. Eiffel Tower.
A modified spit roast wherein the two bros are really amped and high five a bunch, creating a triangular shape that calls to mind the unique shape of the Tour Eiffel.
17. Cream pie.
When a man comes inside his partner, bareback. The resultant mess then, uh, coming back out is said to resemble a dripping cream pie. Typically used to reference porn that doesn't end in a facial (because it's important to differentiate).
A group activity in which at least three guys masturbate to completion over a woman's body. Most bukkake parties involve a number of participants, coating the woman. It's...something.
Shaking your head from side to side between a woman's breasts, creating a noise like the engine of a boat.
20. The shocker.
Also commonly called "two in the pink, one in the stink," the shocker is a modified fingerbanging technique where the pointer and middle finger are inserted into the vagina while the pinky is slipped into the anus. The pinky is usually used without warning, "shocking" the recipient.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.