To some men, your body is a wonderland. Really, they wonder where—and how—to touch you. Sex therapist Ian Kerner, PhD, offers advice for setting them straight.
"In my 10 years as a sex therapist and author, I've asked thousands of men where a woman's clitoris is, and more than half of them believe (incorrectly!) that it's located deep within the vagina."
That may not be a shock—chances are, you've been with a guy who couldn't conceal his clitoral cluelessness. But you might wonder where the puzzlement stems from. Well, you can blame it on everything from tall tales told in locker rooms, to ex-girlfriends who faked it, to the boggling female body, with its small, sometimes hidden parts.
Even if a guy makes it into the vicinity of this important pleasure zone, he could still miss the mark because he's too nervous to really check you out down there or doesn't know how to stroke you right. Or logistics, such as the room being too dark, prevent it. But if your man's what I call ill-cliterate, don't write him off as a lost cause—there are ways to school him gently on the techniques that cause your toes to curl. Try these:
- Fine-Tune His Touch
During foreplay, guide his hand to your clitoris, and show him how to touch you with the rhythm and firmness you like. Men are goal-oriented, so they often figure that the faster and harder they work it down there, the more powerful your orgasm will be. Of course, it's not that simple, which is why it's important for you to set the tone.
Try pressing and releasing his fingertip against your clitoris several times, then use his finger to make small circles in either direction to hit all of your nerves. For a twist that will turn you both on, lie facing each other, take his penis, and use the tip of it to demonstrate how you like your clitoris to be touched (you might want to apply a waterbased lube first).
- Improve His Oral Skills
Many men's oral-sex motto is "Stay the Course"—they continue the same stroke over and over. While you do need a degree of consistency, after a while, your nerves grow numb to repeated sensation, so he needs to mix things up.
One way to ensure that the speed and intensity are varied is to have him place his lips around your clitoris (making sure to cover his teeth), and alternate between gently sucking it and teasing it with his tongue. As he's doing this, press and grind your pelvis against his mouth to get the pressure you desire.
- Manipulate His Main-Event Moves
When it comes to intercourse, it's easy to let clitoral action fall by the wayside, since the majority of positions fail to hit that hot spot. And that lack of contact is the main reason why so many women have trouble reaching orgasm while doing the deed.
To get clitoral stimulation during sex, hop on top, and have him stroke your clitoris (the thumb works well here). In the missionary position, grab his buttocks, and guide him to thrust slowly and deeply so your clitoris rubs against his pelvic bone. During doggie-style, he can reach around with one hand and firmly press two fingers on your clitoris for added sensation while he thrusts to help take you over the edge.