You'd be surprised at how even the most macho, siga ng barangay, alpha males get tongue-tied when speaking to a girl they really like. When it comes to asking her out, the internal debate we experience would put a political forum to shame. Here are some reasons why being torpe is the number one syndrome affecting single males today.
- Our Fears Are Amplified
It's a given that we're not as conscious about our looks as girls are. You'll never hear us say, "OMG! I'm allergic to my new aftershave and I have a rash! I can't be seen in public!" But when faced with the object of our affections, it's difficult not to feel conscious about our appearance. The pounds we promised to burn off months ago feel bulgier than ever, we wonder if our faces are shiny, if our deodorant is still working, etc. When you look at us, it feels like there's a spotlight. Especially when...
- ...You Look Really Cute
The feeling of attraction ebbs and flows—there are days when we see you and we're fine. Then, there are days when you look extra pretty, like when you wear that shimmery sleeveless dress that shows off your tan, or even when you "dress down" and wear a witty t-shirt with your hair in a ponytail and no makeup (never underestimate your everyday look). When you look gorgeous, our brain diverts all our mental resources to our eyes. This results in the dopey, give-away look you see us do (a.k.a. the torpe stare).
- Too Many Voices In Our Heads
Say we bump into you at a party, it's the perfect opportunity to strike a conversation and for us to get to know each other. Normally, all it takes is an ice-breaker or an offer to get a beer, then it's small talk, catching up, finding common interests, etc. Simple, right? Um, no. When we like a girl, we want to put our best foot forward. We want to say something clever so she'll remember us. Also, we want to be cool because we don't want to be seen as mayabang and we don't want to come off as timid either. There are just waaay too many variables.
- Verdicts And Vulnerability
Maybe the hardest part about liking someone is that it leads to the inevitable question: Does she like you back? When we start thinking along those lines, all the self-confidence and positive reinforcement we've nurtured all these years begin to show cracks. Because, while we know this is a yes or no game, we feel exposed when we're at the mercy of someone else's opinion—especially someone we're really fond of. For us guys that's the very definition of "vulnerable."
Pinoy Guys Speak Out: "What Gave Me 'Lakas Ng Loob'"
"I was encouraged by friends." — Christian Bautista, 27, writer
"It was easy for me to approach her because I love women, especially my mom." — David Sison, 25, entrepreneur
"Lots of beer." — Jeje Santos, 23, musician
"When I first approached her, it wasn't love at first sight. But when I got to know her better, I found out we had lots of things in common." — Nico Pineda, 30, music teacher