1. Sex feels like a routine for you. You know when you’re going to do it with your S.O. and how you’re going to do it, so you can’t really feel excited as you did in the early days of your relationship. Because it feels like a routine or something you just have to do, you don’t really think about sex anymore or consider it really special.
2. You don’t initiate the sex. Precisely because you’re perfectly great without it. You feel like a person with zero sex drive; nothing arouses you. You don’t even really think about sex. The only time you think about sex is when you realize you haven’t done it in a while.
3. Sometimes you just can’t wait to get the sex over and done with. There are other things to do like eat or sleep or think about work. Still, you have sex with your S.O. because you don’t not want to have sex either.
4. You don’t really care about climaxing anymore. It’s great if you do; and if you don’t then there’s a next time. It’s not that big a deal.
5. You enjoy masturbating a bit more than having sex. You don’t masturbate often, but you’ll do it when you have nothing to do in bed. It feels great and you can orgasm really fast. Nonetheless you’re not as into it as you used to be.
What you can do about it
1. Talk about sex and what you’ve been feeling about it with your S.O. You might be perfectly okay with how things are going with the sex, but your S.O. might not be. Whether or not he notices your dry spell, it’s best to let him know so you can make the sex better for the both of you.
Talk about your fantasies, the positions you like (your favorites!) and don’t like, what he does that turns you on and off, and so on. You might feel a little bit uncomfortable talking about these things, but once you realize that this is also part of getting to know each other better hence being more intimate, you’ll actually be glad that you guys can be so open—more open than you’ve been before!
2. Spend more quality time together. It’s possible that you and your guy just have lunch or dinner together and talk about your day. There’s nothing wrong with that, but maybe you want you guys to look and feel more like lovers than friends hanging out and catching up. You love him, of course. But maybe you need to be more in love with him to feel the desire.
3. Flirt. This adds elements of fun and playfulness in your relationship and sex life, and it will do wonders. Flirt with him when you guys are apart to build the tension, so when you’re together you’ll be excited and in the mood.
4. Be more romantic (again) and step up your game. Sex feeling like a chore is usually caused by your bond. Both of you may still be as tight as teammates, but as lovers maybe not so. Being romantic would strengthen or spice up your relationship.
5. Be more affectionate (again). Look and marvel at your guy and his body. Touch him and hold him. Physical contact like kissing the moment you see each other or holding hands in the restaurant after you’ve had your meal will connect you both to each other. These little gestures will show that you guys are intimate and close. Don’t just touch each other when you want to have sex; that somehow taints these sweet, loving acts.
6. Try out one of your fantasies. This will be an adventure for both of you, since you don’t really know if your fantasies actually feel great and hot in real life. That said, there’s no pressure and it’s all fun! Just be sure to do the ones that both of you are very comfortable doing, and make sure none of you feel pressured into it—that would beat the purpose of stopping sex from seeming like a chore.
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