You’re hot, you’re fun, you have a cool job, and a big circle of friends—in other words, you’re the whole package. Then why the hell can’t you meet a guy? “Often, women subconsciously give off ‘keep away’ signals,” says psychotherapist Rhonda Findling, author of The Dating Cure. Well, we’ve pinpointed some of the mistakes you might be making and found ways for you to remedy the situation ASAP.
1. You hang with a big group of girls.
When going on a manhunt, you may feel better bringing backup. Problem is, surrounding yourself with a posse makes you unapproachable. “It’s intimidating for a guy,” says Findling. “He’s afraid of being rejected in front of an audience.” To make yourself available, go out with just one wingwoman or separate from the crew and work the room solo.
2. You always hit the same places.
How many times have you found yourself saying, “Ugh, there are no cute guys here”? And yet, the following week, you’re back at the same bar, with the same people, saying the same thing. “Well, if you want to find a great catch, you should venture outside of your comfort zone,” says New York City psychologist and life coach Janice D. Bennett, PhD. The next time a pal invites you to a film class or suggests you hit karaoke night at some dive, give it a shot.
3. You give some guys the cold shoulder.
When you’re eyeing a sexy stud and some so-so dude starts chatting you up, you’re probably tempted to blow him off. But that could backfire. “If the object of your affection sees you acting rude, he’ll move on to a girl who isn’t as bitchy,” warns Findling. Not only that, but the B-list boy could actually turn out to be cool. So unless he acts like a sleaze, give the guy a break and talk to him. If he still leaves you cold, politely excuse yourself and move on.
4. You refuse to be set up.
You whine about how hard it is to meet a man, yet you veto any friend who tries to hook you up and you won’t even try online or speed dating. “You need to open yourself up to any opportunity,” says Bennett. “Spread the word that you want to be set up.” And at least log on to a dating site and see who’s out there. If you click with a guy, great; if not, you don’t even have to endure a bad blind date.
5. You’re too intent.
It’s fine that you want to meet someone, but you don’t want to be so obvious about it. “Men can sense desperation,” warns psychotherapist Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of Calling In “The One.” “Most guys will steer clear of a girl they think is dying for a boyfriend.” In addition, being on a man-finding mission can make you self-conscious. “You become so fixated on how you look and act that you can’t enjoy yourself,” says Findling. The goal should be to have fun, not meet guys. The irony: Your laidback vibe will attract men anyway.