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5 Ways To Deal When Your Ex Starts Dating Again

Has he found someone new before you did--perhaps too soon? Cosmo gives you tips on how to cope without feeling bitter or vengeful.

Breaking up is never easy. “But even if parting ways was your idea, knowing that your ex is back in the dating game—or worse, in a steady relationship—can make you think there’s something wrong with you for not moving on faster,” explains Chicago psychologist Kate Wachs, PhD, author of Relationships for Dummies. So, before you flip out upon seeing his new "In A Relationship" status on Facebook, crib these tips—they’ll soften the blow.

1. Resist The Comparathon

When you find out that your ex is seeing someone, your first instinct is to wonder if she’s hotter, cooler, and more skilled in the sack than you are. But that will only sink your self-confidence and cause you to lose sight of why you broke up in the first place. “Even if you don’t realize it yet, having a different body shape or trendier interest wouldn’t have changed the fact that the two of you weren’t a good match,” says Wachs. Remind yourself that the split was the result of a compatibility gap you couldn’t control, and leave it at that.

2. Steer Clear Of Him

One glimpse of him with another woman can drastically set back your get-over-him timetable. “Change your routine so you’re unlikely to cross paths, and ask friends not to tell you if they see him,” explains Roger Rhoades, a relationship counselor in South Carolina. Hide him from your Facebook news feed (if you still can't bring yourself to delete him!), or, if you bump into him, utter a polite hello and continue on your way. “It’ll give him the impression that you’re doing fine, and you’ll walk away with confidence,” says couples therapist Janice Levine, PhD, coauthor of Why Do Fools Fall in Love?

3. Indulge Yourself

“The postbreakup period is your time to be selfish and experience things you enjoy,” says Rhoades. “Spoiling yourself will remind you that not yet moving on has its benefits.” Buy yourself a fabulous meal, spend time with your girlfriends, or make an appointment finally to get the funky haircut you’ve always craved. “By reconnecting with your interest and priorities, you won’t be so caught up pondering his new life, and that will help you rebound,” says Levine.

4. Don’t Waste Time Being Embarrassed

When word gets out that your ex has been sucking face with some new chick, it’s normal to feel a little humiliated. But you shouldn’t. “While you think that everyone must be gossiping about how pathetic you are, that’s probably not the case,” says Rhoades. "Plus, the people who truly care about you (and really, who else matters?) will focus on what you’re up to, not what he’s doing,” says Levine.

5. Consider The Upside

Rather then mourning the loss of Mr. Not-so-perfect, “realize that an ideal boyfriend should want very similar things from the relationship that you do,” says Wach. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and once you’re ready to start reeling 'em in, you’ll find someone who is much more your wavelength.

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