1. In a moving car. Basically for the reasons you would think, but if you need cold, hard facts, Accident Analysis and Prevention found that one-third of people who admitted to taking sex drives said they were speeding, another third said they were veering across lanes, and 11 percent said they'd let go of the steering wheel altogether. Seriously, just park the damn car. It's just as hot and you won't murder people.
2. In a pool. Again, yeah, this seems sexy in the movies because water is awesome and so is sex, but you know what is not awesome? Having chlorine change the pH of your vagina so much that it leads to a yeast infection, or if it's not heavily chlorinated, having a bunch of microbes shoved into your vagina leading to infection, which researchers at University of California, Santa Barbara, say is absolutely a thing that can happen.
3. In the ocean. Who doesn't want to have mermaid sex? The ocean is one of the most beautiful, wide-open spaces you could possibly be in, plus there's no chlorine, and if you're lucky, you can see the bottom and feel like you are a creature of the sea. That said, one Italian couple who tried to have sex in the ocean got freaking stuck together and the woman had to have her cervix dilated so they could pull them apart. Most awkward ambulance ride ever.
4. On a balcony. Balconies are so beautiful and if you're not terrified of heights, which I for sure am, it makes sense to want to have sex there. But here's the thing: People are totally dying that way. Those two cute teenagers just wanted to have some simple balcony sex and died instantly when they fell. Not. Worth. It.
5. On sand. I know way too many movies have convinced you this is the hottest thing ever, full of rolling around seductively (although who is doing that much rolling during sex? But anyway.), but according to Alyssa Dweck, M.D., co-author of V Is for Vagina, you could end up with pain, cuts, and (ew) infection. So basically your rolling around romantically could totally lead to you writhing around in pain later because you have cuts on your vag. Skip.
6. Portable potties. There are at least five different infections you can get from doing this, and they cause things like diarrhea and vomiting, just to name a few, so just save your sex times for some sort of mud tent that someone builds out of hippie dreams and candle wax.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.