Let’s stop propagating the notion that men are soulless freaks when it comes to matters of the heart.
During fights or arguments, we tend to switch to word-vomit mode, and more often than not, hurl expletives at our significant others. But it’s in the mundane moments, where we think we aren’t grating at our partner’s insecurities, that hurt the hardest. Like a snide comment about his barkada here, an insensitive Viber message involving his finances there.
Just like women, men in a relationship are often hurt by voiced insensitivities whether they were meant or not. Contrary to that popular Cure song, we cry too, only we aren’t as privy to showing the whole world our leaky pipes for fear of being judged–or worse: being labeled a "pussy." Because, you know, losing street cred is tantamount to castration. Boo-hoo!
Here are some statements to avoid and the alternative ways to break things to him gently. Because sometimes boys–whether they admit it or not–are just girls in hairier disguises.
1. "Maybe you should work out more and eat less."
Male vanity is at an all-time high. The proof: all you need to do is scroll through the numerous #fresh, #selfie, and #beastmode posts on Instagram. If you don’t enjoy your bf counting your calories for you, it would be safe to assume that he wouldn’t appreciate the flab-grabbing and fat jokes. Although promoting a healthy lifestyle is the way to go, comments like this will make him question why you’re even with a sad sack of potatoes like him in the first place.
Try: "Hey, let’s lay off the burgers and start exercising together. Beach season is just around the corner."
2. "I hate that you don’t get paid enough at work."
"Your salary isn’t high enough to merit my attention" was the phrase uttered by every gold-digging whore in the annals of history. If you’re more interested in the thickness of his wallet rather than the immaterial properties he contributes to the relationship, it’s best you both bank on things ending up in Shitsville. Chivalry isn’t dead, and men should always pay for dinner, but when he’s strapped for cash, don’t rob him of his dignity.
Try: "I know you’re working hard. Don’t worry, in time things will get better."
3. "Let’s ditch my mom’s dinner, I don’t think you’ll get along with my family anyway."
Ouch. Did you hear that? That was the sound of a cold sharp knife going through his heart and bleeding it dry. If you yourself don’t believe that your man is capable of winning over your family, then what are the chances that your parents or siblings will give him a chance? Answer: slim to none.
Try: "It’s a bit too early, but when we’re both ready, I’d love to introduce you to my family."
4. "Hanging out with your friends is like a vacuum: it sucks!"
Imagine how it would feel if he called your gal pals bitches and hoes. Friends are the family we choose to have beyond the ties of blood, and calling his bros a bunch of drunken gorillas that don’t deserve your time and attention will only push him farther away from you…and closer into the arms of his rowdy buds. Don’t force him to choose between his friendships and you. You’ll be surprised at how that ultimatum almost always works in favor of the bromance over the romance.
Try: "Don’t take this the wrong way, but is it okay if we balance our time between your friends and mine? Things just become too much for me sometimes."
5. "I wish you were more like my father."
Well, that’s the thing daddy’s girl–he’ll never be. So don’t compare your beau to dear old dad. It’s just wrong, and honestly, kind of creepy.
Try: NOT COMPARING HIM TO YOUR FATHER.
6. "You’re just not doing it for me in bed."
Which to him will automatically sound like “your dick is too small." Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. An open line of communication when it comes to sex is premium, and unless he complains about your vaj being too loose for comfort, then direct him properly. Remember, it’s your orgasm that is at stake here young lady.
Try: "Next time, let me take the lead."
7. "I just slept with your best friend."
Or what is universally known as the deal breaker. There’s no subtlety in this one. Cheating is one thing, but doing so with his best bro is salt in the wound. Prepare to be called a "f*cking b*tch" by those who truly love him. And if ever this phrase is something you encounter yourself, have the guts to kick his sorry ass out. Pronto!
Try: KEEPING YOUR PANTIES ON.
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