1. “Well, you were a jerk at Sarah’s party two years ago!”
Why it’s bad: Keeping track of your S.O.’s mistakes and your fights that have long been over prevents you and your partner from truly moving on and growing as a couple. Making yourselves feel like you owe each other for the things you’ve done questions the value of your sincerity, apologies, and forgiveness.
2. “No, I’m not mad!”
Why it’s bad: Passive aggression shows that you and your partner can’t be open about your thoughts and feelings, or you’re just cruel enough to leave him dumbfounded and confused as to why you’re so mad. This, in turn, makes you more mad than you already are.
3. “You don’t care about me.”
Why it’s bad: You just insulted your partner, whether or not you actually meant to. By saying he doesn’t care, you disregarded everything he’s done for you, even his love for you, like they never mattered or were never enough.
4. “You knew I was going home late, and you couldn’t pick me up from the office like you said you would?”
Why it’s bad: Expecting that he’ll always be available for you is a sign that you don’t recognize that he’s got his own time and life, too. Sure, he may have promised to do something for you anytime, but what if he made a prior commitment that’s really important? Understand his situation first before getting angry.
5. “Yeah, well why don’t you date her instead?”
Why it’s bad: You just implied how shallow your guy is (assuming he just said a girl is pretty), and how weak your relationship is. Even if you’re the jealous type, you wouldn’t say something like that unless you’re driven up the wall and want so hard to insult your partner.
6. “You’re the type to go to parties and do drugs and sleep around.”
Why it’s bad: This may be your guy’s past or just what you think his past was like. Using his past is wrong, since he confided those things to you with trust—with the hope that you accept and love him still. Saying something like that shows how you belittle his old self and his journey to become the guy he is now.
7. “You’re always so negative.”
Why it’s bad: Unless you guys agreed to talk about each other’s flaws in order to become better people, blurting out criticism hardly ever results in something good. (It could lead to #1.) It can even show how you’re not understanding your partner, because he might be going through something, which is why he’s acting a certain way. By just outright complaining or whining about him, you’re not treating your partner respectfully.
Follow Stephanie on Twitter.