1. Stop worrying that he hates everything about you because he does not. So many women tense up during oral sex like they're about to take a written exam. The stress of "is my vagina weird/does it smell/does it look OK?" is so severe that you're almost guaranteed not to relax, which makes it super hard to have an orgasm. So start there as much as you can.
2. Tell him when something is working and then be silent as a spy when it's not. Don't become a series of "Oh! Oh!" noises if you only mean, like, 20 percent of them. That said, if you get hyper verbal when he's doing something perfectly and go monk-silent when what he's doing isn't that great, he'll get the hint and work for those noises (aka you're both happy).
3. Have him watch you masturbate so you can show him what works for you and boom, now he has a map of what works. This is such a successful tactic because you know what works, you know how to masturbate, and guys love watching women masturbate. If he's able to focus enough on what you're doing without focusing on the giant boner he's getting, he'll pick up on what you like a lot faster than if you drew him a diagram.
4. Relax your legs so they don't trap his neck. This is actually less about him feeling better and more about you tensing up like you're terrified something is going to jump out of your vag. Seriously, the more relaxed your body parts are, the more energy you can have to focus on the fact that someone hot is going down on you right now.
5. Watch him do it. Every woman who's given a blow job in her life knows how creepy and weird it can be when a guy is staring at you while you're doing it, but honestly, those guys are on to something. It's so tempting to not watch what's going on there and drift into your fantasy life, but actually watching what he's doing will keep you in the moment, and will keep you from worrying about laundry or whether or not he noticed/cared you didn't shave.
6. Borrow the vagina confidence that guys have about their dicks. Even if you have to fake it, looking at your vagina like it's something he's dying to have and lucky to be around makes so much of a difference. Having that kind of "hell yeah, you're welcome" attitude toward it will make it so much easier to savor each moment of what will hopefully be a long-lasting orgasm-fest that you seriously, seriously deserve.
7. Stop worrying that you're going to waterboard him with your urine. So many women get hung up on the fear they're going to pee (most of the time because they might squirt, which is definitely a different thing) that they tense up and if you haven't sensed a pattern here yet, tensing up is the opposite of something that will lead to sex fun. You're not going to pee. You're just not.
8. Just tell him exactly what you want instead of making him guess like he's at a sex carnival. You don't have to help him navigate like a sea captain, but saying things like "softer" or "keep doing circles" or whatever is super appreciated and keeps him from going rogue, aka you tell him to keep doing what he's doing and suddenly he's fingering you and you just sigh heavily because come on.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.