1. Bring up old fights. Fights that happened in the past should have been settled already, no matter how much pain it caused either of you. Keeping count of your partner’s wrongs isn’t healthy since it doesn’t make any of you grow and move on from the hurt.
2. Don’t say fake or insincere apologies. There’s no “I’m sorry but you…”; it’s just “I’m sorry” plain and simple. Some people say their sorries only to bring up something their partner did, and that’s a trick that people are better off without. It leads to the blame game or something new to fight about (which is just as bad). If you want to tell your guy he did something that hurt you, confront him directly. Talking things out will make you two understand one another better.
3. Don’t blame their partner for something bad that happened. You don’t just tell your partner that he’s careless or irresponsible that’s why he’s not getting a promotion. That’s insulting. Couples in healthy relationships are positive. They give points of improvement, they encourage their partner to be better, and they say that they believe in their partner.
4. Don’t take anything about their partner’s life against him/her. Your partner tells you his issues and stories in confidence—that you’ll get where he’s coming from and know more about him. It’s ridiculous to say things like, “You’re a nagger just like your mom” or “No wonder you don’t have a lot of friends.” Just. NO.
5. Post negative things about each other online. This is most likely one of those parinig posts about not being treated right. No matter how much he seems to deserve public humiliation, you just don’t shame your partner in front of all your friends, acquaintances, and officemates. That’s pretty rude and it actually says more about you than it does about him.
If you’re frustrated with your partner, express it to him so he can make things better. If you can’t stand being with him anymore, break up with him.
6. Don’t rant to other people about their partner. It’s okay to vent to your best friends about something he did that hurt you, or to seek advice about dealing with a fight you had with him. But when you bash your partner and his behavior to people, you’re in a way tainting his image or rep and making your relationship look bad. And you know what’s bound to happen when people find out you guys aren’t solid. (Hint: Something to do with being extra friendly to you or your guy.)
7. Don’t make their lives all about their partner. A good relationship is founded on two independent people who love each other. What’s healthy is to build your lives together, since that includes talking about your dreams and compromising on some choices and come to an agreement. But to make your whole life revolve around a person who can just leave you? What’ll happen to you when he’s gone?
8. Withhold apology. Some people just don’t like admitting they’re wrong. It could be pride, it could be shame. In any case, the one who’s in the wrong should be able to say sorry. It might not exactly fix things, but it does console the injured party—and that’s the start to working things out.
9. Withhold forgiveness. If you’re pretty bitchy, it would feel glorious when your partner looks so vulnerable when he’s asking for forgiveness and you don’t see that very often. But keeping up with your pride isn’t going to do you both and your relationship any good. None of you should be using the other to feed your ego. Couples in a healthy relationship couldn’t bear intentionally making their partner feel like crap because they truly love and respect one another.
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