1. Get some sleep.
I don't think any guy in the history of time has said, "Oh, no, thanks. I'd rather take a cat nap than put my penis inside a vagina." But if you've ever pulled an all-nighter studying or worked a double shift, sometimes it's impossible to keep your eyes open, even with sex on the line. And if you're passing out with a naked woman in your bed, there's always the chance for some well-rested morning sex when you wake up.
Let's get real: Having sex requires effort and time and focus on your partner and post-sex cuddling. That's a lot of commitment. Sometimes it's easier to just rub one out, eat a handful of Doritos (hopefully remembering to wash your hands first), roll over, and go to sleep. It's not glamorous or sexy, but sometimes an orgasm doesn't need to be either.
3. Eat some food.
Sex is a workout and on an empty stomach, we're not much good. If we're so hungry that we can't see straight, a couple of slices of pizza is just as tantalizing as a woman giving us bedroom eyes.
4. Take a shower.
If we've spent all day in bed having sex, our penises can only take so much. After the fourth orgasm in a row, a hot shower is all we really want.
5. Literally have infinite money.
If you could somehow have an unlimited income but the catch was you could never have sex again, would you take it? Think about that one. Think about that one all day and for the rest of your life.
6. Get a blow job. I mean, come on.
Sometimes that's all guys want.
7. Just kind of hang out watching TV.
This will only happen if the dude is really, really, sick and needs to rest in bed all day or just really loves TV more than human contact.
8. Pilot a helicopter.
Listen, I know what you're thinking, but I've had sex before. It's great. I've never flown a helicopter. I think most guys would choose to do something that badass over having sex. Maybe not helicopter pilots though, because that'd just be going to work (no guy would choose work over sex … well, maybe helicopter pilots would. I wouldn't know. I've never flown a helicopter before).
9 . Post on the comments section of a website about how this list is stupid and they love having sex and they're great at it and the author of this article is probably a virgin.
No. I'm not.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.