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10 Totally Invalid Complaints Men Should Not Be Allowed To Have

Leave the shoe complaints at the door.
PHOTO: Asha Fuller

I'm not trying to say it's super easy to be a guy. But I am saying it seems way easier than being a woman, 90 percent of the time. There's so much stuff women have to think about daily that men are just not bothered with, and yet—and yet!—they complain somuch. Here are 10 complaints men should never be allowed to have, never ever.

1. "My shoes are hurting me!" 

I see you in those "boat shoes," my dude. That tiny blister on the back of your heel from your loafers doesn't hold a candle to the 12 blisters I have on my big toe ALONE from these strappy sandals. 

2. "I won't have enough time to get ready." 

Thanks to some really fun gendered beauty standards, all men have to do to get ready is run a lil comb through their hair and...change T-shirts or something? Do not talk to me about "not enough time" while I'm trying to discern if I have time to shave my armpits, pluck my eyebrows, blow dry my hair, and properly apply some lipstick before any given event.

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3. "I hate this haircut." 

Something I will literally never understand is why haircuts cause men such distress—their hair grows back so fast, and they never actually look any different?! This isn't a real concern, sorry.

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4. "I don't want to shave, it takes too long." 

In the time it takes you to shave the lil stubble patch on your cheeks, I'll have done *maybe* 1/8th of one leg. But yes, do go on complaining about this.

5. "My parents won't stop nagging me about kids, it's so annoying." 

Even when I'm 27 left swipes into a Tinder spree on Sunday night, my mom still asks when she's getting grandkids. This is one of those things that women feel so much more pressure about, and if I hear any more nonsense about my "biological clock" I will scream.

6. "I just can't find any jeans that fit!" 

A little theory: The second any woman finds a perfect pair of jeans, the brand discontinues them immediately and she can never find them again. This problem does not exist for men, to my knowledge, since all jeans for dudes are the same.

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7. "Ugh, but condoms don't feel as good." 

Gonna start invoicing you for my birth control pills and occasionally yelling "ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT?!" at you in your sleep lollllll.

8. "This shirt is so scratchy." 

I essentially had to go to medical school and specialize in surgery to figure out how the hell to put on this weird shirt with 18 straps. Just because you finally wore a shirt that isn't a cotton t-shirt you got for free in college doesn't mean you suddenly get to complain about "comfort."

9. "Everyone stares at me while I'm at the gym, it's so irritating." 

Ok, I'll concede that it is indeed incredibly unnerving to have people watching you as you workout. Exercise is a solitary activity for which no one should be judged without invitation. But I can't count how many times I've done jumping jacks or jump rope facing an ugly wall because I catch some dude watching my boobs bounce from across the room. Truly my hell.

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10. "The line for the bathroom is too long." 

I can't wait to find out how many hours—nay, days—of my life were spent waiting in line for nasty bathrooms in crowded clubs/bars/concerts/etc. when I die. Maybe I'll actually die waiting in line for the bathroom. Mostly likely I will!

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This article originally appeared on Minor edits have been made by the editors.