1. When you break up, everyone finds out.
Pre-social media, only immediate family, close relatives, and friends you see on the reg were given the breakup news. Now, everyone’s privy to that information because they see your relationship status change and notice when your couple shots and super-sweet statuses (that really should’ve just been private messages) stop filling up their news feeds.
2. It’s much harder to get rid of relationship relics because they’re everywhere—not just on your accounts, but on other people’s, too.
Pre-social media, it was easy to trash photos, letters, and gifts from the ex by ripping them up or, for more ~drama~, burning them. Now, even if you delete couple posts on your account and he gets rid of the ones on his, there’s evidence of your coupledom lurking insidiously in common friends’ accounts, ready to pounce on you when you least expect it.
3. You don’t worry about just one online platform; you have to deal with several.
Your relationship evidence isn’t just stored on Facebook; it’s also on Instagram, Twitter, email, blogs, messaging apps… The sheer volume of material out there that you just want to forget is staggering.
4. Three words: “On This Day.”
You’re innocently scrolling through your memories on Facebook, looking for some cute, embarrassing thing to share for the day, when BAM!—a photo of you and the ex snuggling in Tagaytay that you somehow skipped in your relationship relic purge jumps out at you from the screen. Those timed reminders are fun, but when it’s a recent failed relationship they remind you of, they can be brutal.
5. Even if you unfollow or unfriend your ex on social media, you still see him all over your common friends’ posts.
Gone are the days of randomly running into your ex at the mall after months of absence; now, you can see him liking and commenting and smiling and basically being alive every time you happen upon mutual friends’ posts. Your only recourse: to unfollow or unfriend those mutual friends, too. (Sorry guys, nothing personal.)
6. Even if you unfollow or unfriend your ex on social media, it’s way too easy to look him up online, especially if his accounts are public.
Everything you’re itching to see is just a few clicks away, accessible by just typing a few letters in a search bar. You almost want to ask him to have mercy on you and set the damn things to private, but you remember you’re not supposed to speak to him at all. *tears*
7. And since it’s easy to look him up, it’s also way too easy to find out if he has started dating again.
It’s also way too easy to stalk the new girl, the new girl’s friends, and before you know it, it’s been two hours and you’re neck-deep in the new girl’s sister’s best friend’s wedding album from 2011. (Lovely gown, BTW.)
8. People always tell you to take what you see on social media with a grain of salt, as if to comfort you.
But if there’s pic after pic of him with his arm around the same girl, surely there’s at least a 50% chance of them actually dating?!
9. If you’re not careful when stalking, you could accidentally like a post, sending a notification to your stalkee that proves you’re an insecure old hag.
At least old-school stalkers never had to worry about screenshot-able proof that they were creeping on their exes.
10. Not only will you know via online stalking if he’s seeing someone else, all your common friends will know, too.
People used to just rely on the dodgy grapevine for that sort of information; now, everyone has a prime view of you and your ex’s race to win the breakup. Complete with photographic proof.
11. The urge to vaguebook or subtweet is so, so strong.
You know you shouldn’t care what he thinks of you at this point, but just the fact that social media makes it easier for your words to get back to him makes you go ahead and post that hugot quote with abandon.
12. So is the urge to pile on posts that show how great your life is now, hoping he’d see them and writhe in regret.
It can get tiring to have to curate a fabulous online presence when deep-down you’re like, “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.”
13. Even if you manage to block your ex on social media, it’s way too easy to unblock him.
And then once you realize that it was stupid of you to unblock him in the first place, you click “Block” again, only to be told by Facebook that you can’t do so until after 48 hours since you unblocked him. (I know; I’ve tried.)
14. It doesn’t help that every time you check your social media feeds, you’re assaulted by photos of babies and weddings and happy couples abusing their Snapchat filters.
KAYO NA. KAYO NA ANG MAY FOREVER.
15. You try to move on and join an online dating network, but you’re crippled by the fear of finding your ex there.
Or even just the possibility that common friends might spot you there, tell your ex, laugh with him about how desperate you’ve gotten, and ugh, never mind. *uninstalls app*
16. You wish you could quit social media altogether, but you need it too much.
Whether you need it for work or to get in touch with people or just to be in on what everyone else is talking about, you’d rather put on a brave face and deal with the ex drama than transport yourself back to the Dark Ages by deactivating.
17. You can’t help but wonder if your ex is agonizing over the same social media worries you are.
The thought of it makes you miss him…and then you have to mentally slap yourself and remind yourself that it’s over, okay?! Umayos ka.
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