33 Things Women Think While Having Sex In A Car

'Wait, can I get arrested for this?'
PHOTO: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Regardless of whether you've dabbled in car sex or not, you know that some people seem to have, uh, strong opinions about it. I know a few women who love it, I know some that hate it, and I know others who are only opting for car sex currently because they need to have sex somewhere besides their bed. (...Touché).

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Admittedly, I do see some pros to car sex in general: Not only is it a nice change of pace, but you can also easily mix things up by restraining yourself or your partner with a seatbelt (oh, hiiii, BDSM play).

But with every pro comes a con, and, as with any new sexual venture, you’re bound to hit a few speed bumps along the way (no pun intended). It's a lot of trial and error (mostly error), but nonetheless, you’re trying something new.

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Worst case scenario: It’ll make for a fun story you’ll laugh about one day. But until then, here’s a list of things us women are thinking while we sex in a motor vehicle:

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  1. We’re banging in the car. I am totally not nervous about this at all!
  2. Can people see us? I should’ve upgraded to those tinted windows when I had the chance.
  3. There’s absolutely no room up here. The front seat was a bad choice.
  4. My leg is cramping. The sales dude said this car had lots of legroom when I bought it. Apparently, he was just trying to get his commission.
  5. Let’s try the back seat. It seems more sex-friendly.
  6. Okay, there’s somehow less room back here. The floor is covered with ketchup packets and crusty French fries. Kinda forgot about those.
  7. This is embarrassingthere are so many fast food wrappers. How much fast food can a person eat?
  8. Maybe doggy is the way to go? It seems the most spatially accommodating.
  9. Okay, no. You're slamming my head into the door handle.
  10. Let me get on top. I really feel like this is gonna work.
  11. This isn’t working either. I’m just worried about making eye contact with anyone passing by.
  12. We haven’t tried missionary yet. That’s what the backseat is for, right?
  13. You’re on my hair. I know space is limited but you’re gonna have to find another place for your hand.
  14. My foot’s stuck in the seatbelt. Can I get some assistance please?
  15. Should we try the trunk? No, that’s an insane suggestion.
  16. But...no, you’re right. Stupid idea.
  17. Maybe the roof? I’m grasping at straws here.
  18. At least there’s room up there (and fresh airit smells like old burgers in here).
  19. Jack and Rose didn’t have these issues in The Titanic. Then again, it was a movie and they weren’t actually having sex.
  20. Someone just honked at us. At least I think it was at us.
  21. Yep, that was definitely directed towards us. I saw them wink as they drove by.
  22. It’s possible we didn’t do the best job finding a hiding spot. To be fair, I didn’t think this many people would be out driving around at 8:00 p.m. on a Tuesday.
  23. Remind me why we got fully naked? I don’t think that was necessary.
  24. Can I get arrested for this? No really, can m
  25. We should have an excuse ready. “Sorry officer, I was just looking for my phone and I see better naked.”
  26. That’s believable, right? I’d buy it.
  27. It’s so hot in here. Can we crack a window?
  28. Bad idea. Now everyone can see us and hear us.
  29. Plus we just let every bug in the neighborhood in. Nothing sexier than a mosquito bite.
  30. I’m out of ideas. I don’t know any positions that won't end with a trip to the ER.
  31. Let’s just call it a day. We gave it our best try.
  32. Hey, McDonald’s is still open. Maybe a Big Mac and a large fry will save the night.
  33. Note to self: Next time you wanna have sex in the car, do it in something bigger than a Honda Civic.
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This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.

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