Why Does Daddy Porn Turn Me On So Much?

What is about father figures that gets women so hot and bothered, anyway?
PHOTO: istockphoto

I’m 23 years old. In my age range, celebrity crushes should run the gamut from Tom Holland, Harry Styles, and Shawn Mendes. Maybe there’d be some outliers: a little bit of Chris Hemsworth, a dash of Robert Downey, Jr....but you’d be hard pressed to find women my age who nurse legitimate crushes on, say, Robert De Niro. No, not Taxi Driver Robert De Niro. Dirty Grandpa Robert De Niro. Vince Vaughn. Steve Carell. The pushing-60 Colombian cartel godfathers from Narcos.

I seem to have a special affection for men who are close to securing their senior citizen cards.

I seem to have a special affection for men who are close to securing their senior citizen cards, if they don’t already have them. And while women of this proclivity may be uncommon, trust me, there are many.

My preference for older men, naturally, spilled over into my dating life. I had a friends-with-benefits arrangement with a 33-year-old for three years. After a string of bad dates with 21-year-olds (who, let’s admit it, are basically children), I switched up my Tinder age settings to “26 and above.” And when my Tinder dates grew few and far between, there was always the trusty Google Chrome incognito window. I’d lower my blinds, get comfortable in bed, and look through my options for, erm, nighttime me-time.

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Teen sex, to me, lacked sensuousness and connection—just a bunch of knees and elbows attempting to Tetris their way to an orgasm. As a straight woman, lesbian porn didn’t do the trick, either. But there was one category that never let me down: porn involving a young woman and a visibly older man. Whether it was dad-and-daughter, stepdad-and-stepdaughter, grandpa-and-daughter, or even an Uber driver in his late 40s going at it with a twentysomething passenger, videos of this nature would always find their way into my secret bookmark list. There’s something so arresting about seeing a young woman being made love to by a man in charge. It’s like a much subtler version of BDSM, where the dom/sub relationship is assumed by the sex partners’ very nature—their age—instead of a deliberate role assignment. 

Did my daddy kink have anything to do with my actual father?

At one point, I found myself interrogating my desires. Did my daddy kink have anything to do with my actual father? Not really. We have a perfectly healthy relationship, and his emotional presence in my life has been constant despite the physical distance his job demands. The thing is: Older men tend to have their head on straight and are likely to have more wealth than their fresh-grad counterparts. It’s that sense of stability and safety that makes me want to imagine myself as the women in the porn I like. I build a fantasy around being wined and dined, invited to a bed with an excessively high thread count, and losing myself to a man who will always protect me.

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But these scenarios turn me on precisely because that’s not what I want from a long-term partner. In my real-life relationship, my boyfriend is 11 months younger than me, and we split the bill on everything from bills to groceries. It’s only when we have sex that I get to indulge our alter egos: I’m extra innocent and virginal, while he’s extra domineering. (And yes, I like to call him “Daddy.” No kink-shaming!)

Feminist though I may be, my evolutionary instincts pull me towards men who have power and authority, and what better place to channel my primal desires than in porn?

Because my principles revolve around gender equality on the streets, it’s exciting to get to be the opposite of that in the sheets. Feminist though I may be, my evolutionary instincts pull me towards men who have power and authority, and what better place to channel my primal desires than in porn?

It’s safe to say no woman wants to bed their actual dad or uncle, but it’s exciting because it’s wrong. Incest is extremely upsetting, but in a fantasy sexual context, seeing people throw their morals out the window in favor of pleasure encourages me to be more liberated and expressive in bed. Nobody wants sex to be a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am affair. And when the bawal factor is turned way the hell up, your porn-watching experience becomes elevated, too. You’re having to suspend your disbelief watching someone do something you’d never, ever do. That’s why daddy porn is one of the most popular porn categories to exist. The word “daddy,” really, is a stand-in for the maturity and masculinity that it connotes. It has nothing to do with daddy issues or sugar daddies, which implies actual abandonment issues and/or a need for financial independence.

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And if we’re being completely honest, my daddy kink is rooted in some sentimentality, too. It’s a combination of an assuredly dominating force similar to BDSM, but with the familiarity and caring associated with a father figure. I don’t want to be slapped and thrown around. I want to be powered over, but with an underlying sense of genuine affection. And that’s why not even a thousand Shawn Mendes types could ever dethrone a single Robert de Niro...at least not in the secret black tabs in my phone.

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