When Bridgerton dropped in December of last year, I'm pretty sure everyone's libidos perked the hell up—mine included. You just couldn't ignore the fact that a good portion of the plot involved very hot people doing very hot things.
For obvious reasons, I was instantly obsessed. So obsessed, in fact, that after I managed to pick my jaw up off the ground after finishing the show, I had an idea: What if I had sex like Daphne Bridgerton for a week?
I don't exactly have the sex drive that the newly married duchess does in the series, but I figured seven days of Bridgerton-style banging could be the perfect way to heat things up with my husband. So after pulling out some of my flowiest dresses and perfecting my English accent, I studied seven of the best Bridgerton sex scenes and planned for a week of orgasms that would make Daphne proud. The good news: You don't have to wait to read about my experience in Lady Whistledown's Society Papers because you can get all the tea on how my week of luxury and orgasms unfolded below.
First up, recreating that epic masturbation scene.
During episode three, Daphne asks Simon what actually goes down in a marriage. After learning she didn't know how to masturbate, he explains she can touch herself "anywhere that gives pleasure."
Unlike Daphne, I am very familiar with self-pleasure (my vibrator drawer is a testament to that). But I decided a little self-induced orgasm was the perfect way to start sexing like Daphne, and I eagerly crawled under the covers solo the first night of my experiment.
In an effort to orgasm like it was the 1800s, I left my battery operated toys untouched. I tried to emulate Daphne's experience by slowly stroking my body and thinking about the hottie that is Regé-Jean Page, aka the actor who plays Simon. As I moved my fingers between my legs and thought about the way Simon licked his spoon, I have to admit, it was hot.
Normally when I masturbate, I'm navigating porn on my phone with one hand and the buttons on my vibrator with the other. But just feeling my own body and using my mind to stimulate my senses felt especially sensual. I quickly came, then went for round two, loving how in tune I felt with my own body.
Losing my virginity…again
Just like Daphne, I burn for my spouse. But unlike Daphne, I wasn't exactly a virgin when I decided to have Bridgerton-style sex. Since I've been married for more than two years and with my hubs for close to 10, I couldn't replicate their marriage consummation and Daphne's first time having intercourse because, uh, yeah, your girl's been getting frisky for well over a decade. I could, however, recreate the romance.
After lighting a few candles around our bedroom, I pulled my husband in and slowly undressed him. At first—like Daphne—he was confused because the bed isn't the place we normally get down. (Yeah, I'm an exhibitionist and I hate sex in a bed.) But after some light dirty talk like the newly married couple partakes in, he understood: We were about to ~make love~.
Just like Simon and Daphne, we took our time caressing each other's bodies and whispering the sweetest nothings amid the thrusts. Between the flickering candles, the slow sensual build, and the fact that it's been ages since I've not only had sex in a bed but also really taken my time with it (as opposed to the usual race to orgasm), I lowkey felt as "wonderful" as Daphne did after finally getting laid.
Sexing in the rain
After Daphne gets a taste of sex, the newlyweds start hooking up everywhere—a sentiment I not only respect but also can relate to. To start off one of the most arousing sex montages in TV history, the couple find themselves caught up in the moment while enjoying a honeymoon dinner and head outside for some privacy. Unfortunately, it starts raining (oh, no!) and they run to a little open chapel on the grounds of Clyvedon to get out of the storm. Of course, since the pair is wet and Daphne can see Simon's abs glistening with little water droplets, they start going at it on the floor as the rain splashes around them.
While this was one of the scenes I was most eager to recreate, there were a few problems, the biggest of which were: (1) I do not have a castle with a little open chapel on the grounds and (2) zero rain was predicted in the forecast.
Still, I was determined to give their rain rendezvous a try, so I propped up a hose in the backyard after the sun went down and called my husband out to meet me. But sadly, we aren't on our honeymoon and we don't have romantic, sprawling grounds to get us in the mood, so things quickly went…awry. When I tried to kiss him, he gave me a quick peck before grabbing the hose and spraying me directly. Screaming, I ran around the yard trying to avoid the spray as he laughed wildly and chased me with the hose.
I was determined to give their rain rendezvous a try, so I propped up a hose in the backyard after the sun went down and called my husband out to meet me.
By the time we went back inside, dripping, cold, and out of breath, the last thing I wanted to do was make passionate love to the man who acted like a schoolyard bully just a few moments before. Instead, I stomped to the shower, and after warming up, I used the shower head to finish the job. Maybe if I inherit a castle, I'll give this one a try again, but for now, I'm declaring rain sex a loss.
Banging during an outdoor picnic
After the less-than-ideal rain-sex experience the day before, I was determined to make Daphne proud with my next sexcapade: hooking up while having a picnic. As part of the pair's steamy montage, Simon and Daphne start going at it while picnicking on the grounds of Clyvedon. And as a fan of any sex that involves snacks, I knew this was the chance for my husband and I to redeem ourselves.
I packed a basket full of cheese, bread, fruit, and champagne and carried it the whole 10 feet out to my backyard. There, we laid out an old blanket and relaxed in the setting sun, overpouring our glasses and giggling as the liquid dripped down our arms. Maybe it was the Florida heat or the alcohol, but before long, we found ourselves making out in the grass, the rest of our picnic long forgotten.
Since I was wearing a long, flowy dress (any excuse for something other than leggings), it was easy to hide our lazy, in-the-yard penetration. While the hard ground was less than comfortable and we both had mild allergy attacks post-sex from rolling around on the grass, the relaxed backyard sesh was the perfect mix of chill, spontaneous, and thrilling.
Oral sex on a ladder
There are a few different scenes where Simon goes down on Daphne, and two of them involved her sitting or leaning against a ladder and then a staircase, which means there must be something to this angle.
The problem, however, is that I live in a single-story home with no stairs whatsoever. Which is why, in an effort to recreate the couple's steamy cunnilingus scenes, I had to utilize the ladder reserved for holiday decorating and gutter cleaning. At first, my husband wasn't in love with the idea of bringing a giant ladder into the middle of our living room on a random Thursday night, but after I talked him through the situation, he quickly got on board.
Once the legs were steady, I climbed up a few rungs, holding my dress up in the process. Since I was elevated, my husband only had to crouch down slightly to bury his head between my legs, which felt oddly exhilarating—here I was hanging on and balancing for dear life while my S.O.'s tongue swirled around my clitoris. Standing on a ladder while getting some tongue action was hot, don't get me wrong, but it was also kind of exhausting. My legs quickly started shaking and my face was super flushed, just like Daphne's.
We tried to have sex like the couple does against the ladder, but without a whole television crew to keep the prop steady, we quickly realized it was probably a little too dangerous IRL. Instead, we flopped down on the couch and finished things off together before arguing about who was going to put the sex ladder away.
We tried to have sex like the couple does against the ladder, but without a whole television crew to keep the prop steady, we quickly realized it was probably a little too dangerous IRL.
While it might not have gone down exactly like Daphne's famed oral, it will make decorating the Christmas tree much more interesting when we have to whip out the ladder again this holiday season.
Two words: Missionary! Sex!
One major way Daphne and I differ (other than her being a virgin until marriage and saying things like "surely" and "perhaps") is that she seems to really enjoy missionary sex. I, on the other hand, do not. Don't get me wrong, it certainly makes for a romantic encounter, but when it comes to what feels best, it just doesn't get it done for me.
That said, since the couple seems to gravitate toward Simon-on-top-and-Daphne-sighing-beneath-him sex, I figured it was important to bring back the classic position if I wanted to experience true Bridgerton eroticism.
Since the couple seems to have sex in every square inch of their giant estate, I figured this was the perfect time to hook up someplace new. While my options were a little more limited since our home spans about 1,000 square feet, we decided the floor of our closet was as close as we were going to get to doing it someplace unique. So, I tossed some pillows and blankets down and pulled my husband inside.
Making out next to shoe boxes and dirty clothes isn't exactly the sexiest kind of foreplay, and it wasn't long before I reached for the lube and a vibrator to turn up the heat on our missionary. While the couple didn't use lube or pink vibrating sex toys in their lovemaking, they also didn't have to resort to fucking next to their gym shoes, so I called it an even trade.
And lastly, desk sex
As a big fan of role-play, I'm no stranger to desk sex. So when I saw the duke and duchess go at it on Simon's desk, I figured it was the best way to cap off my week of Bridgerton sex. Since the couple has a quickie while Simon's working, I figured a 10-minute "meeting" with my hubs on our shared calendar would be enough to fulfill the final sexual benchmark.
When my Google Alert went off on the last day of my experiment, I stepped into my husband's office to find him working at his desk, just like Simon. And just like Daphne, I curled up on his lap, kissing him gently at first before slipping my hand down his pants and making my intentions clear.
After a minute or so, I sat on the edge of the desk and wrapped my legs around my husband's waist. Just like the duke and duchess, we quickly went after it, our enthusiastic humping causing the few papers on the desk to fall to the floor. Also like the duke and duchess, he got off while I was left a little more wanting.
To say my week was amazing is an understatement. The duchess sure knows how to have her fair share of orgasms and loooves to mix it up, too. But really, it should come as no surprise that masturbating, banging during a picnic, and having sex on a desk = lots and lots and lots of orgasms. For now, my clitoris is already looking forward to season two.
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.