When I tweeted asking for people to share their stories about dating picky eaters, I expected tales of dudes who send back food if it contains onions or maybe a few anecdotes about people faking cilantro allergies because they hate it so much. What I did not expect was 30+ messages about guys who literally won’t touch fruit or vegetables, and subsist, against all physiological odds, on a diet of meat and carbs only. It’s equal parts horrifying and powerful to be a grown-up who hates veggies so much, he won’t even eat lettuce on his subs.
The stories are too good to keep to myself, so in the interest of public service, here are the eight most horrifying stories about dating an extremely picky eater. And please, please eat a banana or a piece of broccoli today.
The guy who loves his burgers well-done
“I dated a guy in college for a year and a half who was such a picky eater, it was embarrassing. I took him out to a nice steakhouse for his birthday and was so excited to order a nice steak with all the toppings and sides, and this guy orders CHICKEN FINGERS!! FRIES!! AND A SIDE OF KETCHUP! I was so embarrassed when the server was taking our order that I actually said out loud, ‘Are you kidding me right now?’ But the incident that really pushed me over the edge was when we went out for Mexican food with a group of friends, and he proceeded to order not one but two well-done cheeseburgers (plain, of course) and a side of fries. I’m now happily married to a non-picky eater.” -Cheryl, 26Continue reading below ↓Continue reading below ↓Recommended Videos
The guy who really, really hates seafood
“I once dated a guy who hated seafood so much that if I ate it, he refused to kiss me for at least 24 hours, even if I brushed my teeth and used mouthwash. He had never tried seafood but assumed he didn’t like it because his mom didn’t. I tried to deal with it and wouldn’t eat seafood, but we would fight if I did because I couldn’t deal with how ridiculous he was. I can’t believe I put up with that for a year!” -Marisa, 23
The guy who now “tolerates hummus”
“I married the absolute pickiest eater. As in, he likes maybe two veggies and refuses to try anything new. When we first started dating, we’d go out to eat a lot and I noticed that he’d pick the strangest things for his sides, like all carbs. I love to cook, so after we’d been dating a while, I invited him over for dinner. That’s when I noticed that he'd put a little bit of everything on his plate but push the vegetables around until they’d ultimately get thrown out. Finally, he admitted that he pretty much hates every vegetable, and he’s also super particular about texture.There’s been a little progress: He will now eat guacamole, tolerates hummus, and will occasionally eat green beans or carrots. Baby steps!” -Nikki, 25Continue reading below ↓
The boneless wing guy
“I once dated a guy for like ten months who legitimately only ate boneless wings and steak. He was 23. I worked at a restaurant and thought he was cute and nicknamed him Boneless Wings to my coworkers, because that’s all he ever ordered. Then we started going out and had a very limited selection of places he would go. I put off giving him a blow job for a long time because I was convinced it’d be nasty, since he definitely hadn’t had fruit in years. (In the interest of fairness to him, when I did give him a blowjob, it was absolutely fine.) [Ed. Note: There's no scientific evidence that a guy’s diet has any effect on the taste of his semen.] I ended up dumping him because I’m gay, so the whole thing was a roller coaster, to tell you the truth.” -Stephanie, 23Continue reading below ↓
The guy who loves a plate of white foods
“There were other factors at play, but I once ended it with someone in part because they had the eating habits of a four-year-old. Two incidents came up during dates three and four involving food that I fumed about. Date three: We went to a museum and then got diner breakfast, and he threw a fit because the home fries had green peppers in them. Date four: We were watching a movie at my apartment, and I was sick, so I offered to order us Thai food because I wanted something sinus-clearing. He threw another fit because he had never had Thai before and literally got white rice and plain, poached chicken.” -Katie, 26
The guy who will not touch lettuce
“I dated a super picky eater. He literally wouldn’t eat anything green. Like, this man wouldn’t even get lettuce on his subs. How do you live like that?! I had no idea he was that way until we were dating, and then I noticed that every time we went out, he would never get salads or lettuce in anything. I confronted him and he was just like, ‘I avoid anything green and all vegetables.’ He was 23.” -Madison, 20Continue reading below ↓
The guy who has to give himself a pep talk to eat a veggie
“I dated a guy who hated vegetables. We went out to dinner on the night he asked me to be exclusive. He ordered a sandwich but forgot to say ‘no lettuce,’ and when the sandwich came, he almost sent it back because of the lettuce. I was baffled, because lettuce doesn’t really have a flavor. I told him to scrape it off and eat the sandwich, which he did, and then asked me to be his girlfriend. Mind you, this man was 22 years old and drank a V8 every day to ‘get his vegetables.’ After that night, if I made vegetables, he would have to like, talk himself into trying it and it was a big deal.” -Jessica
The guy who wants his wedding guests to match his plain diet
“I am marrying a picky eater and it’s the one thing about him that drives me insane! He’s turning 27 and has the palate of a five-year-old. For three years, he told me that he was highly allergic to seafood, so I NEVER cooked seafood for us. Then I found out just this year that he’s not actually allergic, he just doesn’t like it. He literally wants plain chicken and corn for our wedding food because he says that since it’s our wedding, he doesn't understand why he would have food that he hates. He wants all 175 guests to eat this plain meal.” -Morgan, 25Continue reading below ↓
This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan.com. Minor edits have been made by the Cosmo.ph editors.