DO: Upload nicely composed couple shots with sweet captions.
Expressing your undying adoration for each other via a good-looking, artfully crafted Instagram shot followed by a sincere/witty caption will garner likes from those who support your online love team. Yes, you guys look so happy, like you never fight, and you live in an ideal world colored by VSCO Cam and squared to perfection. Of course, that’s not true, but your two hundred something followers don’t know that.
DON'T: Post sleazy #aftersex moments.
Okay, so you’re sweaty, exhausted, and bathing in the afterglow of a good morning romp. Doesn’t mean you need to take a snapshot of it and send it out into the Interwebz for all your friends (titos and titas included) to see. No amount of filtering will hide the sleaziness of picturing half your cleavage as you tuck your pretend-sleepy face into your boyfriend’s hairy armpit. Girl, you’ve just been unfriended, blocked, or worse, downloaded!
DO: Space out your couple posts to add a little more variety.
In between photos of you kissing each other’s cheeks in a fit of ants-inviting cheesiness, litter your page (whether it be IG or FB) with posts and photos that cater to your vast array of interests. Some tried and tested favorites: tear-inducing sky porn, dumb inspirational quotes that should be reserved for Tumblr, the omnipresent food top-shot, and the ubiquitous #OOTD. This way, your public won’t vomit all over their brand new iPhone 6.
DON'T: Selfie-stick your way to Insta-fame.
You must admit the monopod is a genius invention for this generation of self-indulgent, self-serving, selfie-taking narcissistic social media brats. It takes a good photo, that’s for sure. It’s capable of capturing both of you in all your duck-faced glory with a sweeping background worthy of IG’s latest (but still lame) filters. It also shows off you and your boyfie’s depreciating taste level. Remember, there’s nothing wrong with asking a third party to immortalize a moment.
DO: Share mutual activities/dates that will inspire other couples.
Cooking together? Post your edible efforts (whether successful or not, they can’t taste the photo with a lick of the screen anyway) for others to salivate over. Workout date? Post a gym pre-game #beastmode look that shows off your new healthy lifestyle. Traveling to an exotic country for the first time? Provoke other couples to get off their asses and into the nearest airplane with a few pics or three. There’s nothing wrong with preserving a special moment through social media, and if you guys garner haters, hey, remind them that that’s what the “unfollow” button is for.
DON'T: Hashtag like crazy.
Share those memories, but avoid flooding your feed with overcompensating hashtags like #jetsetting, #traveldiaries, and the ever so grating #blessed. The photos you post should already speak for themselves. Plus, your multiple hashtags aren’t fooling anyone: they’re not there to express an emotion; they’re every panderer’s secret weapons for hogging more likes. #classic
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